Indicator of appreciative teams

The quote of the week comes from Theodor W. Adorno and says: ‘You are only loved where you are allowed to show yourself weak without provoking strength.’

I find this quote very fascinating, and it got me thinking. Love should be unconditional, free and nurturing. Love is not only the love in a relationship, to the ‘love partner’, but also to children, to other people, if you look at it more broadly, to all those who support us and are entrusted to us. Being loved can perhaps be equated, at least for this quote, with being recognised, respected and valued, with one’s whole personality.

If you relate this quote to the professional context, it could represent the relationship between superiors and employees. This is a fantastic indicator, whether you have a real team or only a group with individuals and ego driven behaviour.

As a manager, the tendency to lead people is to be a servant leader. This means that as a manager, employees are empowered to take responsibility for the tasks assigned to them in a self-organised and independent manner. To this leadership style belong a mistake culture and learning culture from things which are not perfect. It’s the way to lead as human with emotions strength and learning fields.

Being courageous as a manager means showing ´weaknesses´ the own learning fields, for example showing emotions such as concern, admitting `weaknesses` in some task the employee has to or having a bad memory for specific things or not knowing something and making mistakes. In such moments, the manager shows that he / she is a human being.

If the manager is accepted, the team will see such behaviour as a strength and show the manager understanding. In this case you have a real team working with respect, loyalty, acceptance and role understanding. They interact in an eco driven way and not ego driven.

In a team that does not tolerate the manager or a team member informally claims the position of power, the manager’s ´weakness´ or emotional behaviour is exploited. Mistakes are blown out of proportion, emotions are over-interpreted, or mistakes or other issues are made fun of – not directly, of course, but rather indirectly.

That would be a provocation of strength. To turn human sides and thus ‘weakness’ against the person, who has shown it.

If this provocation happens, it’s time to work on acceptance within the team, address the issue openly and demand the respect that everyone deserves. In such team, it will be necessary to work on trust and role responsibility.

Two sides of feedback

Feedback is the result of the comparison between the target and actual state by a second person.

If the assessment of the state between actual and target is the same in the eyes of the second person, then the feedback is positive. The feedback recipient receives recognition and appreciation. The difference is that recognition refers to performance and appreciation refers to personality.

If the target and actual state do not match on the part of the feedback giver, the feedback receiver is criticized. We can learn from both. From the positive perceived feedback, we learn to conform.

From the negative perceived feedback, the criticism, we can learn where a second person sees improvements for us. Studies have shown that negative feedback, criticism, can lead to improved performance (Kluger & DeNisi 1996).

With any feedback, it is important to understand that the source of the feedback is the second person and their own construct.

If the feedback is given with good intentions and no hidden agenda, it is a fantastic resource for the feedback receiver to learn from.

However, feedback can also be part of:

  • Instrumentalization in the form of manipulation techniques, such as false compliments or in the worst case with the intention of humiliation.
  • Projection of one’s own behaviour, this happens unconsciously, the feedback giver’s own behaviour is transferred to the feedback receiver.

Examine the mindset with which feedback is given and consider whether you can learn from it or whether it is done in an instrumentalized way. 

In this way, the feedback receiver has the chance to learn twice:

  1. About the self: How others, especially the feedback givers, observe and evaluate feedback receiver own behaviour.
  2. About the feedback giver: With the feedback, the construct of the feedback giver will be uncovered.

For further information read this article Valence of feedback (positive vs. negative feedback)