Kategorie: Leadership

Positive feelings: The result of questions

Feelings are the result of emotions. Positive feelings are a result of our thinking. According to Barbara Fredrickson, everyone can enable positive feelings through self-exploration:

  1. Happiness: what observation would make me happy under different circumstances?
  2. Gratitude: What can I be grateful for in this situation? What have I learned and what will I be grateful for in the future?
  3. Cheerfulness: How can I change the context so that it cheers me up? What elements would I enjoy under different circumstances?
  4. Interest: What was unexpected, what made me curious and what would I like to understand better?
  5. Hope: What can I change to make a difference next time? What can I do to make it more fun?
  6. Pride: What was I proud of in this situation? Which skills did I use best? What thought patterns got me this far?
  7. Pleasure: What could I have laughed at because it came as such a surprise?
  8. Inspiration: What behaviour, what message from my conversation partner did I find inspiring?
  9. Awe: What was so fascinating, wonderful, and heart-warming and made a deep impression on me? What is the big picture that is different from normality?
  10. Love: Was there a moment when all the above feelings came together?

This is challenging in many situations, but it helps us to build resilience. Practicing this promotes positive feelings, which lead to positive thinking, which leads to behaviour change.

In the long term, such thinking will transform challenging and static thinking patterns and beliefs into a growth mindset and positive thinking, and appropriate, empowering behaviour.

Give it a try!

For more information, read my book from side 114 forward:

Erfolgreich Gespräche im Berufsalltag führen:
Der Einfluss von Haltung, Deutungsmustern und Unterbewusstsein auf Gesprächssituationen
| SpringerLink

Listening and silence are crucial for our conversation

We all assume that we are great listeners. Are we really one? No-one can prove it at the end, as the interpretation and assumptions of what was heard are maily not equal with the interpretation and assumptions of the speaker. To reduce this gap as much as posible, try the method ATTENTIVE listening.

ATTENTIVE listening:

  • Accept that multitasking is not possible, focus on listening only and follow the conversational flow.
  • Teaching and instructing do not go well with attentive listening, they belong in schools and courtrooms.
  • To ask questions as openly as possible is crucial, but don´t over prepare the conversation through question list. Questions are normally coming naturally.
  • Even repetition, paraphrasing and duplications should be avoided.
  • Not knowing and admitting it helps the conversation flow.
  • To the point and short should be your own statements.
  • Individual are our emotions which means they are free from any comparison and judgement and none of us would have in the same situation same emotions.
  • Very important is, that reproduction of rumors, word of mouth or hearsay does not belong to attentive listening.
  • Empathy and equality is the basis of a successful attentive conversation.

Are you curious to read more about the importancy of good listening skills, read my bock chapter „4.3 Zuhören und Stille ermöglichen, bewusst zu denken” reference page 143 following.

Define your value / worth in life

We often give more power to others to decide what value we have. In my eyes this should be different. I think it should always start with allowing ourselves to recognise and internalise our own value.

We tend to accept that our value is defined by the opinions of others, by our salary or by our status symbols. We rarely reflect on the skills we possess and who we are in terms of character. What value would we place on ourselves?

In my opinion, we must first value ourselves from within and define how we see our own worth, not measure our own worth through the eyes of others who can only judge from their own beliefs and value us by comparing us to what they are doing. Appreciation that comes from the outside has to be seen in the context of the situation. As an extreme example to illustrate my thoughts, surely the value that a mafia boss would define would be opposite to a clergyman on some issues.

When we begin to value ourselves, we will be able to value others in a non-judgmental way. If we begin to value ourselves, we will be more patient with others and less competitive, because we will have little or no need for the appreciation and recognition of others.

Our own appreciation and esteem for ourselves should be enough and weigh more than that of others.

I found this story, with thanks to Nadja Sandmann for posting the German version, which illustrates these thoughts very well: https://youtu.be/tb5iRxXahyI

Coaching is like a good (mental) fitness trainer

The main analogy is that the performance coach needs to be a role model.

Only when he/she shows the same attitudes, behavior and mindset what the performance coach wants to see at the employee, the employee will adapt it. When your sports trainer is not accurate in what he/she practise the mistake will be transferred to the participant.

 The analog to a trainer and a performance coaching is

  • accountable partnership
  • process discipline
  • process goals
  • planning
  • review/ tracking / recording progress
  • attitude role modelling

 Without a trainer / coach the most people would have achieved less of what they would have reached without a specialist accountability partner who ensures that the agreed process is rigorously followed, and that performance progress is tracked and visible.

 There is an investment in an optional service with results that are exponentially better than if the individual or team went without focused and specialist support.

Positive Psychology: The power of self-compassion to overcome adversity

Self -compassion means to treat your self with care, kindness and concern you would show to your be loved when they are struggling.

In this way, treat yourself like you would behave towards others.

 Often we are more cruel and colder to our-self than to others. Self-compassion turns this around and we have against us compassion as well.

To be able to be compassion against our-self we need to be mindful with our feelings and pains we have.

There fore we have to observe them, accept them and acknowledge them instead of ignoring and suppress them. We need to look at the chance of the situation than to focus on how bad things are.

 Instead of feeling isolated and lonely we should assume that nobody is perfect and has to deal by them self with challenges in their live.

This is what differentiates self- compassion from self-pity.

 Instead of trying to replace bad feelings with ‘better’ ones, we can create sustainable positive emotions through dealing with our suffering with kindness and care. In this way both sort of feelings can be felt in parallel. Such friendly and benevolent ability helps us to come over the difficulties we are coping with and explain why self-compassionate people are happier, more optimistic, and satisfied with their lives than those who don´t care for them self.

From a scientific perspective strengthen such behaviour your immune system and enhances physical health by decreasing cortisol and increasing heart rate variability.

What is the characteristic of a highly motivated person?

According to Prof. Michaela Brom-Badry, lecturer in the theory of motivation at the University of Karlsruhe, there are three identical characteristics of looking at oneself as a reason to be highly motivated.

 These are:

  1. Acting Autonomously: If you would say the following sentence to yourself: „I have the choice and feel free in what I do“, then you perceive your activity as acting autonomously. The higher your satisfaction with your own autonomy, the higher your sense of well-being and motivation to perform.
  2. Competent: If the following sentence fits you, you feel competent: „I have the feeling that I can successfully master difficult tasks.
  3. Socially Connected: If you are socially connected, you would say: „I have a warm feeling for the people I spend time with.“ Or „I feel close and connected to people I care about.“

 If you want to feel more motivated, work on the three things: Feeling free, feeling competent and feeling connected.

Historic role models: Napoleon Bonaparte role model of modern leadership?

Letting beside the cruel and interessting psychological dimension of Napoleon Bonaparte, his leadership style was astonishing modern and systemic.

In a way, he was ahead of his time.

Many of today’s leaders could learn from Napoeleon’s leadership style.

 His leadership principles were:

  1. „Never ask others what you are not prepared to do your self
  2. Be courageous
  3. Plan everything
  4. Establish clear objectives
  5. Be diplomatic
  6. Secure alliance and be loyal
  7. Search for facts and truth
  8. Intelligence is vital, set high standards
  9. Be fair, firm and flexible
  10. Maintain personal discipline
  11. Concentrate on primary objectives
  12. Stay in touch with your team
  13. Keep your promises
  14. Give credits for success
  15. Take responsibility for failure
  16. Prepair for victory and anticipate failure
  17. Be passionate, energetic enthusiastic
  18. Maintain „integrity“

Such thinking, principles and approaches can be found in the literature on leadership today.

(Source: https://scholar.valpo.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1389&c… )

Overcome difficulties of change

Change is on everyone’s lips and ears. Nothing seems to be as important as this word, this activity. When reading job descriptions, one of the most important skills is to be change-affine. Change is something natural, we change all our lives without pressure. It is the normal changing development from baby to child, to teenager and to adult and finally to senior. Some people seem to change only physically. They then get stuck at certain points in, for example, childhood.

If one wants to change an organisation, this is just as natural as the environment often changes. The tricky thing about change in an organisation is that everyone is expected to change in the same direction at the same time. The top leadership decides that the organisation should change in a certain direction. These leaders themselves develop the desired changes at their own pace and to fit their thought patterns. Often, they do not consider that everyone in the organisation has their own thought patterns, beliefs, and assumptions. In this way, they are one step ahead of the rest of the organisation, having worked on these changes months or years before the others. The lower hierarchies then must adapt their beliefs, thinking patterns and thus their behaviour in a much shorter period, mostly expected to happen ad hoc. This is almost impossible because they are only told the reasons and purpose behind the change and could not figure them out themselves. They are expected to follow the implementation rather than understand it. To use the above image, it is like being a baby and having to transition from that directly to adulthood. This is not possible because the necessary developmental steps would be missing.

Change is necessary to survive in the VUCA world, that is clear. Change alone is not enough, in my opinion. Only if everyone wants to change and everyone is given the same time to change, as is currently lived more at senior level, then sustainable change takes place, because everyone in the organization could take the small development steps.

Idea for implementation: To use the entire organization and its expertise, the sustainable method would be to invite all members of the organization (participative change). This is often impossible. To still hear, take along and „use“ the various areas and departments, ambassadors could be sent from each area. These ambassadors are not sent by the executives or apply independently. They are elected by the area or department, through the colleagues. Through this critics will be more likely to entering the „development group“. One rule should be, that the „development-group“ is a judgmental-free space. Such an approach of working participatively changes the basic assumptions at the lowest level of Edgar Schein’s culture model. This takes courage and a perceived loss of power from top management, but it is worth trying as the intelligence and willingness of the entire organization will drive change and not just a „handful“ of people chosen for their hierarchical level.

#changemanagement #organization #VUCA #Idea

The power of feedforward

Employees are familiar with the construct of feedback, developed with good intentions, but not always used with them.

Some of you may have experienced feedback being misused to express opinions, assumptions and prejudices about the feedback recipient. The feedback giver tends to project their own behaviour, or the behaviour they are forbidden, unwilling or unable to see, onto the feedback recipient. Even if the feedback is given with good intentions on the part of the feedback giver, the issue is that we are talking about the past. This in turn reinforces the image that the subconscious mind has created of the feedback giver towards the feedback receiver. Which leads to a „vicious circle“ as the feedback giver wants to have his perception confirmed and only perceives the nuances of the feedback receiver that fit the perception of the feedback giver and wants to perceive.

One hurdle is that, I suppose, none of us has a time machine, to change the past. The other hurdle is that sometimes feedback comes as a real surprise to the feedback receiver, who has already forgotten the situation or behaviour to which the feedback giver is referring. Memories are never identical or logical. This leads to the uncomfortable and sometimes helpless feeling when we have to go to a feedback meeting. Perhaps there is a satisfaction in the feedback giver telling a person ‚the truth‘, forgetting that this is only the individual perception. As each of us constructs our own truth/reality based on the experiences we have had. 

To be more effective, efficient and sustainable, and to create team power, we need to reflect on our behaviour and attitudes before we follow up with actions or conversations. This is why Marshall Goldsmith’s ‚feedforward‚ approach is so powerful in making a real difference. In this setting, feedforward givers and takers focus on the future and suggest strategies for a better future, without focusing on the past, which only serves to consolidate. 

The following brings the difference between feedforward and feedback to the point:

Feedforward helps to understand before the activity what is expected, how one should behave and interact. Through such reflection it is clear what is required of each individual in order to achieve the goal and a change in behavior is possible as it comes from oneself.

Feedback provides insight into how the external view on a person is, regarding the interaction and behaviour towards others. This creates awareness, but often comes too late or can come from a person whom the feedback recipient does not trust. In addition, an imbalance can arise, since mostly only the perception of the feedback provider is heard.

Feedforward entails three key elements:

  1. Both must adopt a benevolent inner attitude and mindset: The attitude is like an inner voice. If we take the view that our opinion is the only right one and must be followed, then feedforward will not work. However, if we are open to the opinions of others in order to achieve a common goal together, then feedforward is an effective method. Feedforward ensures that all ideas are heard and that the goal is pursued with passion by all, because both parties feel accepted and valued. 
  2. Focus on the solution rather than the problem: To support this thinking, it would be helpful to eliminate the question word „why“ as it leads back to the past and not to the future. Instead, it would be better to use the question word „what“ to find a future solution. This is proven by Tasha Eurich in her studies on self-awareness. In combination with Prof. Dr. Otto Scharmer’s Theory U of intensive listening and imagining the future together (Presensing), leads to open up the mind and uncover opportunities for a better future.
  3. Developing specific solutions together: This is a resource-oriented method and looks at existing competencies and how they can be supported.

Idea for feedforward, when you feel safe:

  1. Describe your goal clearly and simply
  2. Ask for two suggestions and support creative ideas
  3. Listen carefully and write down the suggestions
  4. Just thank you without apology or defensiveness
  5. Roles are swapped regardless of hierarchy
  6. In larger groups, a new conversation partner is sought and the procedure is repeated

#feedback #feedforward #mindset #TheoryU #Selfawareness #unconciousness #psychologicalsafe #success

Spiral dynamics: Motives as basic of our behaviour and success in the VUCA world

n communication, it is a challenge to be seen and recognized as a partner. Conversations at eye level /as peers are a challenge, when different ways of thinking meet. Flexible thinking would be helpful in such moments. This requires a different attitude as well as a different level of consciousness than exists mainly in the Western world.

Clare C. Graves, evidenced by Don Beck and Chris Cowan, has found different levels of consciousness, which she distinguishes into eight different levels of existence with different patterns of thinking. These thought patterns are based on the motives that drive them. She called this Spiral Dynamics.

Most people in the Western world belong to the first levels / graves (Graves, C. W. (1974). Human Nature Prepares for a Momentous Leap. The Futurist, 72-87.). What they have in common is an egocentric attitude.

The levels of existence, also called Spiral Dynamics. The eight levels / graves are colour coded. They are referred to as WMem. WMem is defined as follows: „A WMem is expressed in a world-view, a value system, a psychological level of existence, a belief structure, an organizational principle, a way of thinking and living“ (Beck and Cowan, 2008, p. 64).

In addition, authors Don Edward Beck and Christopher C. Cowan distinguish between first and second Tier thinking. People with a first Tier mindset usually behave in an ego-driven manner with the main question in mind: „What is the benefit for me? What’s in it for me?“ The first Tier includes five different graves of consciousness with the colours beige, purple, red, blue and orange.

The basic motifs and world-view of the first Tier are:

– Physiological stability (beige),

– Security (purple),

– Domination and power (red),

– Sense and order (blue),

– Autonomy and manipulation (orange),

– Equality and community (green)

The second Tier includes two different graves of consciousness. The second Tier world-view enables the person to respond flexibly to change, to take interconnected, comprehensive perspectives, and to recognize the dynamics of the whole earth, enabling macro-level action. This mindset is consistent with ecosystem and empathic relationship. People with the second Tier mindset tend to behave in an eco-oriented way, asking the most important questions, The questions in their mind are: „What is the benefit of the system in which I am involved? What is the bigger picture and impact on the earth / my environment?“ This second Tier includes two different consciousnesses with the colours yellow and turquoise.

The basic motifs and world-views of the second Tier are:  

– Flexibility and natural flow (yellow),

– Life and harmony (turquoise)

Most people are mixed types with different degrees of expression of the first or second level.

The transition from the first to the second level is crucial for the transition from ego-system to eco-system, which is necessary in the VUCA world (Voluntil, Uncertain, Complex, Ambigue) and to evolve to a „Learning Organisation“.

Because of the attitude and mindset of flexibility and harmony, there are no biases, prejudices, or other hierarchical challenges to overcome. The focus is on solving a problem together and developing a process, not on who gets the credit.