Positive Psychologie – Food for thoughts

Your thoughts influence your happiness

The quote for today’s article comes from Mary Shelley: Live, be happy, and make others happy.

Barbara Frederickson is a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina. In her book „The Power of Good Feelings“, she lists six facts about having a positive attitude. (Die Macht der guten Gefühle: Wie eine positive Haltung Ihr Leben dauerhaft verändert von Barbara Frederickson; Campus-Verlag, page 21-25)

A good feeling arises from a positive attitude
Thinking is changed by a positive attitude because it changes the perspective on situations
Your own future is changed by a positive attitude. A positive attitude improves sleep, reactions become more sensitive, one’s own perspective is more optimistic and one becomes more resilient, and relationships with family, friends and colleagues improve and intensify.
A positive attitude can regulate negative situations, for example, a person with a positive attitude will experience a lower rise in blood pressure in a negative situation. This does not mean seeing everything in a positive light, but rather finding solutions more quickly, as there is no need to get caught up in negative emotions.
The law of tipping points is the basis of a positive attitude. Small factors often determine the direction in which we interpret a situation. People with a positive basic attitude value and see positive elements in their lives more than people with a negative basic attitude. They see the sunrise, the first flowers in the morning, the smile of the person opposite, the pleasant weather, etc. As a result, all other situations are interpreted and evaluated differently.
You understand that your feelings are influenced by your thoughts. Your positive attitude can increase accordingly. Realising the full potential of your life is ultimately within your own power. This includes an internal locus of control and a strong growth mindset.

If you look at the factors for a positive basic attitude, it is easier to make others happy if you have a positive basic attitude yourself. By making others happy, you become happy yourself, because with a positive attitude you are sensitive enough to recognise this. Happiness, like smiling, is contagious and leads to a freer and more relaxed life, as well as actually influencing your future positively.

Life is like handling with roses

The quote for this article comes from Arabia: „Do not be angry that the rose bush bears thorns, but rejoice that the rose bush bears roses.“

Looking for the positive no matter what is happening is certainly helpful to avoid falling into a hole and spiralling downwards. However, constant positivity can be just as toxic. The consequences of positive toxicity are:

A false sense of security is created
Negative emotions, which are just as important as positive emotions as they can warn of danger, accelerate reactions and thus contribute to protection, are suppressed and minimised.
False hope and belief arise when you only want to see the positive, which can slow you down or make you unable to act.
Positive statements can make the other person feel even worse
Order is feigned, even though countermeasures are necessary

Positive toxicity can make you „blind“ to the essentials and fields of action that you can only recognise if you look.

It’s like a rose bush. When I cut roses to put them in a vase, I have a close look at the stem of the rose and remove the thorns first. That way I prevent any further consequences, namely pricking myself. Then I place it in the vase and enjoy the fragrance and the splendour of the flowers. Like this, we have to see and observe the negativity which happens in our lives. Then we have to think how we can get over this hurdle in our live. After and while we follow our path through the storm, we focus on the chance the hurdle we bring us and see the positive part of the moment (mindfulness).

Just like roses, life includes injuries and negative emotions that arise from thorns, but also seeing the beauty and opportunities of life, just like the blossom on the rose. Life has these two sides, and both negative and positive have their justification. Life is colourful. If we were only positive, we would certainly become accustomed to it at some point and no longer notice it. Let’s enjoy the shades and put both the positive and negative sides into perspective.

Moving out of comfort zone is admirable

The quote for today’s article comes from Seneca: „He who attempts great things is admirable, even if he falls.“

I can only agree with this quote. For several reasons, in my opinion:

You can learn from every venture, even if the goal you set at the beginning was not achieved
Your wealth of experience has grown
If you take the time to reflect, you can overcome the hurdles better next time
Your decisions become more stable as you can better recognise a possible case
Your own resilience increases, and you learn to deal with adversity more calmly
Your own self-confidence and self-awareness increases when you reflect on what has happened
You learn that stepping out of your comfort zone is enriching

Leaving the comfort zone is not easy at all.

The comfort zone is derived from the Yerkes-Dodson law (after Robert Yerkes and John D. Dodson, 1908) and was taken up by the psychiatrist Judith Bardwick.

The comfort zones consist of four areas.

In the comfort zone we feel safe and it is controllable
The next zone is the fear zone. In this zone, we look for excuses, seek counter-arguments or don’t trust ourselves due to low self-confidence.
Then comes the learning zone. This is where we acquire knowledge, face challenges, change our mindset and tackle problems
The last stage is the growth zone. Once you reach this zone, you find your purpose, live your dreams, set yourself goals, follow your own opinion/path and you will be even happier. In this zone, you need a growth mindset and usually have an internal locus of control.

Moving out of the comfort zone means courage on one side and more happiness and less fear on the other side.

How are you deciding?

Others influence us more than we assume

The quote in the article comes from Rachel Carson: „In nature, nothing exists on its own.“

Everything depends on each other, especially in the area of learning, which includes mental and spiritual growth, it is not only our own will to learn or not, but the entire environment, the atmosphere and the group dynamics play an essential role. Looking at learning and learning content alone is not enough. It also plays a role whether what has been learnt can be applied directly.

The behaviour and actions we exhibit are also not possible on their own, as these also depend on many other factors. According to Lutz von Rosenstiel, behaviour is subject to four factors that cause us to exhibit a certain behaviour or perform certain actions. (Lutz von Rosenstiel, Erika Regnet, Michel E. Domsch: Führung von Mitarbeitern. Handbuch für erfolgreiches Personalmanagement. Schäffer-Poeschel Verlag. Stuttgart, 7., überarbeitete Auflage. 2014.)

The four factors influence each other, and the expected behaviour/action will only occur if they are in a favourable relationship. These are:

Personal ability: own abilities and skills
Individual will: own motivation, values and attitudes
Social permissions: social rules and norms
Situational enabling: inhibiting and facilitating factors, such as the environment and the context of the situation

Social permissiveness and situational facilitation are dependent on other factors that are beyond one’s control.

Epictetus‘ circle of influence also fits in with this above quote. (Epictetus. (2007). The art of living: The classical manual on virtue, happiness, and effectiveness (S. Lebell, Trans.). HarperOne.)

It divides three circles that lie on top of each other.

The smallest inner circle symbolises the area over which we have complete control. This is the Circle of Control. For example, our own thoughts, our own decisions
The centre ring is the area that I can influence, i.e. the Circle of Influence, e.g. the people we work with, the environment in which we live/work
The largest, outer area is that which lies outside our own control, i.e. the Circle of Concern e.g. the thoughts of others, the weather

We humans are also dependent on others. We can influence some things, but not others, so the sentence is fully transferable to us humans, as we are also part of nature.

The jewel of wisdom lies in you

The weekly quote is from James Allen and reads: ‘Serenity of mind is one of the most beautiful jewels of wisdom.’

When the mind can be serene, you realise that everything that happens only happens in a limited time and will also pass again. It’s like the weather. When it rains, you get wet, when the sun shines, you can get burnt, when there is thunderstorms, you can even get hurt as energy is discharged, when the wind blows, you can be shaken. But what all the weather fronts have in common is that they pass. It’s annoying to get wet, it hurts to get burnt, it’s normal to seek shelter in thunderstorms, and it’s normal to have to fight against a headwind to reach your destination. But when it comes to the weather, we realise that the next weather front will come, and then it can get better or worse. This is serenity in relation to our own situation.

Serenity in relation to another person is, when you accept that everyone reacts differently to an identical situation. People react based on their experiences and interpretations of situations. Situations are initially neutral. They are neither good nor bad, they are simply there. What makes them bad or good is our interpretation and the meaning we give to the situation.

A simple example, in Chinese culture the number four has the meaning of misfortune and death, which is why the number four is not used in public buildings. On the other hand, it also signifies the holistic and the four seasons. The number four shows that one and the same thing can have two meanings. (▷ Was bedeutet die Zahl 4 für die Chinesen? | (entdeckechina.com ))

For me, serenity of mind means recognising both sides of a situation and accepting serene that other people may only perceive one side or even recognise something undiscovered for oneself. Being serene also means accepting that someone knows or can do more, or that someone knows and can do less and yet enjoys more prestige than you.

If you look at the world in this relaxed way, you stop comparing yourself and imitating others and start going your own way.

You understand that the fulfilment of life or your destiny in life does not lie in your profession, but in yourself. The greatest jewel in life lies within yourself.

Patience is the source of development

The quote of the week is a piece of wisdom from Japan that says: ‘Not losing patience, even when it seems impossible, is patience.’

Patience is such a challenging topic. It sounds simple, but it is not for Western cultures. We have learnt to take life into our own hands, to be self-determined and to act instead of waiting. Patience is the opposite. It simply means letting things happen and waiting to see how things develop.

We need patience in every situation with living beings. One example. My oleander had so many scale insects on its leaves last year. I thought I could only throw them away. But then I gave the oleander another chance. I rinsed the roots completely and planted it in new soil. The oleander then shed almost all its leaves and was just a collection of stems with a few leaves. I gave it the whole summer and didn’t throw it away. In fact, after many weeks, leaves started to form again, and it looked healthier than ever.

We have to be patient, especially when changing our behaviour. We often think we can do things better than others. Often we have already a finalised version in mind and think that our solution is the only true and effective one. Trusting a colleague that their solution is perhaps even better or at least just as good as our own requires patience. Having patience to explain the facts, being patient until the colleague has achieved a result. The way in this case is to be open to what has been created, despite the final image in your head, and to look at the result with curiosity.

For me, patience also means realising that not everything is in your own hands and knowing that it takes time for things and living beings to develop.

‘The grass doesn’t grow faster if you pull on it.’ (African proverb)

Mistakes have the potential for greater

The quote of the week comes from James Joyce: ‘Mistakes are the gateway to new discoveries.’

This quote is wonderful. Recognising mistakes as learning opportunities is something we all know. It is certainly one of the most frequently used quotes in education. The quote is a simplified form of John Wooden’s

‘Mistakes are only mistakes if you learn nothing from them.’

There is much more to James Joyce’s quote. He says in his quote, in my opinion, that there are new discoveries in mistakes. Some inventions have come about because of mistakes, including the rubber in car tyres, dynamite, Teflon, self-adhesive notes, vaccinations, pacemakers, Viagra, etc. (15 Erfindungen, die nur dank Fehlern gemacht wurden | Beobachter)

Mistakes therefore have great potential to result in something extraordinary.

It is therefore necessary to see mistakes as an opportunity and not as something negative. Everything has its positive and negative side, it depends on your perspective and your own attitude. So it is with mistakes.

Mistakes can hide treasures, you just need an alert and open eye.

When have you made a mistake that was more of an opportunity?

With you starts the better world

The quote of the week that inspired me this time is: “We cannot change this world until individuals change.” (Marie Curie)

Marie Curie lived from 1867 to 1934. She was the only woman to be awarded the Nobel Prize several times. She works manly in natural science. Some of these fields were and still are male-dominated.

Marie Curie changed the world in her own way, because she did not succumb to the stigmas that were and sometimes still are attributed to women. Marie Curie dared to question the prejudices and pigeonholing of others and devoted herself to her urge and desire to research, single-mindedly without allowing herself to be dissuaded. In my eyes, she is a pioneer in showing that change at an individual level can have a big impact and make a difference.

What does that mean for the individual? It doesn’t have to be the Nobel Prize or being the first to do something. In my opinion, it’s small things like asking yourself:

What stereotypes, prejudices and premature assumptions do I consciously or unconsciously make about individuals?

How can I manage to be more neutral towards the person I am dealing with?
What do I need to keep being curious about what I can learn from the person I am talking to?
How can I talk to the person even better?
How can I take a step back with my wisdom and understand that my answers only apply to myself?
How can I meet someone at eye level?
How do I manage to take a step back with my wisdom and understand that my answers only apply to myself?
How can I meet someone at eye level, regardless of their status or education?

To know that we are all worth the same and that we are simply human and allowed to be human.

Serenity is wisdom

This week’s quote comes from James Allen: „Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. Its presence is an indication of ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of the laws and operations of thought.“

Serenity or calmness is a virtue for a reason. It is particularly difficult to be calm when you have a goal too much in mind, when you want more than you should, are allowed to do less than you could and foresee the end, which is highly likely to happen, and yet have to let it happen. Because everyone must and has the right to make their own experiences.

Serenity also means being in the moment, enjoying the seconds that we can only influence and understanding that the world does not belong to you, but that you have been given the gift of being a guest in order to grow and learn. But this also means that everyone can and should learn and grow at their own pace and on the path that they feel is right for them. Serenity means allowing this to happen and not trying to „pull the grass to make it grow faster“. Understanding that this is not possible and that every thing has and needs its time. Serenity is not factual knowledge, it comes from within and arises from our attitude, interpretation / thinking patterns and attitudes. For me, that is wisdom.

Breathing is living and feeling alive.

This Sunday I found the following quote from B.K.S. Tyengar: „The mind is the king of the senses. The breath is the king of the mind.“

Considering Stephen W. Porges findings on the Polyvagal Theory, this quote is biologically verifiable. Porges found that the autonomic nervous system is co-regulated by the vagus nerve in mammals. The autonomic can be co-regulated by the SMART vagus, a part of the vagus nerve. The SMART vagus is influenced for example by facial expressions, gestures and tone of voice of the conversational partner. It can have a calming effect on the autonomic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system determines breathing and heart rate, among other things. Consciously calm and even breathing has a correspondingly calming effect on the autonomic nervous system. This also calms the heart rate. Porges refers to this as neuroception.

Relaxation techniques that influence the breath, mindfulness exercises that focus on the here and now, have a calming effect on breathing and thus on the thoughts in our head and restlessness in the body.

A simple exercise is to draw attention to the breath in order to become aware of its vital function. Life only exists through breathing. Focussing on the breath means concentrating on life and allowing the spirits of life to become conscious.

To calm the breath, the rule of thumb is to breathe out twice as long as you breathe in.

Exercise: At the beginning, count to two for inhaling and to four for exhaling. The speed of counting should be the same. After a few breaths, increase the count by one, i.e. count to three for inhaling and six for exhaling. You should notice that you become calmer, your voice becomes more relaxed and your shoulders lower.

Breathing is living and feeling alive.