Schlagwort: manipulation

Two sides of feedback

Feedback is the result of the comparison between the target and actual state by a second person.

If the assessment of the state between actual and target is the same in the eyes of the second person, then the feedback is positive. The feedback recipient receives recognition and appreciation. The difference is that recognition refers to performance and appreciation refers to personality.

If the target and actual state do not match on the part of the feedback giver, the feedback receiver is criticized. We can learn from both. From the positive perceived feedback, we learn to conform.

From the negative perceived feedback, the criticism, we can learn where a second person sees improvements for us. Studies have shown that negative feedback, criticism, can lead to improved performance (Kluger & DeNisi 1996).

With any feedback, it is important to understand that the source of the feedback is the second person and their own construct.

If the feedback is given with good intentions and no hidden agenda, it is a fantastic resource for the feedback receiver to learn from.

However, feedback can also be part of:

  • Instrumentalization in the form of manipulation techniques, such as false compliments or in the worst case with the intention of humiliation.
  • Projection of one’s own behaviour, this happens unconsciously, the feedback giver’s own behaviour is transferred to the feedback receiver.

Examine the mindset with which feedback is given and consider whether you can learn from it or whether it is done in an instrumentalized way. 

In this way, the feedback receiver has the chance to learn twice:

  1. About the self: How others, especially the feedback givers, observe and evaluate feedback receiver own behaviour.
  2. About the feedback giver: With the feedback, the construct of the feedback giver will be uncovered.

For further information read this article Valence of feedback (positive vs. negative feedback)

The five Toltec promises

From Don Miguel Ruiz

1. Let your words be blameless: This means be integer what you say, which is the case when you are honest in what you are thinking without attacking the conversational partner verbally. This means as well without manipulation, lying or cheating. (Asserting without attacking)

2. Don’t take anything personally: If you take something personally, you will behave ego-driven and lose your own balanced integrity. The person who has hurt you, thus, gains power over your behaviour. 

3. Do not draw hasty conclusions: Take it like Socrates, „I know that I know nothing.“. Our own assumptions are related to our experiences, not to the now.

4. Always do your best: When you have a project, do the best you can with all your energy and knowledge. When you have done it, let it go. Don’t Think about it any more, doubt or criticize what you have done. Perfectionism is often a lack of self-confidence and creates lasting dissatisfaction.

5. See your projects as continuous learning: Problems are always only an interpretation of the situation we are experiencing. Situations are neutral in themselves, it is our assumptions and interpretations, coming from our experiences in the past, which judge them. The own judgement have an effect by generating feelings and emotions, which drives our behaviour and at the end the result. Problems always hold the possibility to learn, grow and develop.