Balanced life – Seite 3 – Food for thoughts

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Today’s quote is from Winston Churchill: „If you’re going through hell, keep going.“

Churchill was the driving force behind Britain’s resistance during the Second World War. He symbolized perseverance and led the alliance between England, the USA, and the USSR. In his inaugural speech, he declared, „I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.“ As he surveyed the damage from German bombing raids, the resilient British people called out to him, „We can take it. Pay them back!“(Winston Churchill: Die Schlüsselfigur im Krieg gegen Hitler – [GEO]))

Churchill endured the trials of two world wars, actively participating rather than merely being present. Despite being an unloved son, he maintained self-belief. Confident in his destiny for greatness, he indeed achieved it, securing his legacy as one of Britain’s most eminent politicians. (Winston Churchill – Wikipedia)

The quote is indeed powerful. Hell is depicted as an unpleasant, scorching, dark, and likely solitary place, embodying all conceivable negatives. To not be swayed by this and to persevere demands considerable discipline, persistence, and a touch of obstinacy. Conversely, such conduct, I believe, is replete with hope and motivation. It demonstrates resilience and a robust, steadfast personality. Navigating through hell undeniably necessitates having a goal and a strategy. Adequate preparation would also be advantageous. Particularly when you feel ensnared in hell, it’s crucial to recognize your talents and skills and devise a strategy to escape swiftly.

To stop in hell is to burn up inside. Your only protection is to keep trying and to move on to the next goal with sincerity and a plan.

What advice would you offer to those enduring their own personal hell?

Equality a matter of mindset

My father, who died on 29 February 2024, often used today’s Latin quote of unknown origin. ‘Quod licet lovi, non licet bovi.’ Translated, this means: ‘What is licit to Jupiter is not licit to the ox.’

My father always used this quote when he did something that we were not allowed to do, e.g. having two desserts or driving without wearing a seatbelt.

Applied to the professional situation, some people also tend to think of themselves as Jupiter and people in a lower hierarchical position than the ‘bovis’. For example, a supervisor allows himself to work from abroad for several weeks while his employees have to come into the office. There are also companies where managers dine in a separate area and receive more exquisite meals, than hierarchical lower employees.

Even in everyday life, there are people who think they are better than others and elevate themselves to the status of ‘Iovi’. They push ahead, push others back or turn up their car radios at night and blast through the city, but would complain the other way round if the neighbours‘ children were louder.

Is such a quote still relevant today? In this day and age, you can become anything and quickly lose something or even everything. Does a self-proclaimed ‘Iovi’ always remain an ‘Iovi’ or can he/she quickly become a ‘bovi’ due to external changes and vice versa? Don’t we all need more humility and gratitude in our roles? Because many things can change very quickly, and then it would be wise, if we simply saw ourselves as human beings with the same value, the same rights and with the same emotions and needs.

Wouldn’t it be nicer to meet as equals and allow others to do what we allow ourselves to do?

What are your thoughts?

Fraternity more relevant than ever

Today’s quote comes from Martin Luther King: ‘We must either learn to live together as brothers or perish as fools.’

Martin Luther King is referring here to brotherhood / fraternity among humans, a term that comes from the French Revolution and was called together with liberty and equality (‘Liberté’ – ègalité – fraternité). It means that every individual is equal no matter who he / she is or what he / she is. Everyone has the same human dignity and should be treated equally. Fraternity is even mentioned in the EU’s human rights declarations. So it is still relevant.

In my experience, topics need to be held on to if they are not yet anchored in the subconscious, if they still need to be ‘learnt’. It’s like learning vocabulary. You write down the vocabulary that you haven’t yet mastered. We rarely include the ones we can already use in our learning schedule, because we can already use them.

Fraternity or brotherhood has not yet been fully realised. But that is exactly what we need, to be less selfish, more altruistic and to consider what consequences our behaviour has on others. To ask ourselves:

‘What is the real reason for my actions?’
‘Have I considered all aspects?’
‘What perspective am I still missing?’
‘How would the person/people in question act?’
‘Which of my statements or behaviour has contributed to my counterpart behaving this way?’
‘If I were in their situation, how would I behave?’

These and similar questions help us to change our own perspective and understand the situation from a different angle than our own. Such holistic approaches have several advantages. The ones that come to my mind immediately are

Your own empathy increases
Emotional intelligence is trained
Your own behaviour is balanced
Life is enriched through new aspects

These aspects lead to becoming a better self. It opens one’s own eyes and reduces the need to behave and react in a foolish and self-centred way.

What are your suggestions to live the fraternity mindset?

Let the problem go

Today’s quote comes from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: ‘Solving a problem means detaching yourself from the problem.’

The word problem only became popular in the 16th century. It comes from the Latin word problēma. It is an undecided, doubtful task presented for solution, a question of dispute and is borrowed from the Greek πρόβλημα ‘task, question’. It also means the topic is ‘questionable, doubtful, uncertain, undecided’ and therefore leads to pondering.

According to Goethe, a problem can only be solved if you distance yourself from the problem and no longer consider it centrally, but detach yourself from it.

That makes sense to me, because if you remain stuck in the problem, you start to brood and possibly look for blame, usually on yourself. This leads to thoughts such as:

‘If I had behaved differently, would the problem not have occurred?’
‘Why did this have to happen?’

You start to find a cause in the past that, if found, you can’t fix anyway. The past has been. It has led me to the present. Seeking the cause or the culprit, provided it’s not a criminal matter, seems pointless as it does not alter the current situation. So the best thing to do is to detach yourself from the problem and survive:

‘What can I do now to build a sustainable and positive future from the present?’
‘How can I enjoy the present despite the problem that needs to be solved?’
‘How can I build oases in which the sun shines for me, despite the shadows or dark clouds of the problem?’

The beauty lies in the fact that shadows shift with the changing light, and clouds are dispersed by the wind. Rest assured, the world continues to transform, even as you only reflect.

On the other hand, it’s important to consider and reflect on the problem and its causes, without assigning blame. I can only change the problem in the long term if I am prepared to look clearly at my behaviour in the past, analyse it and consider what I would like to do differently in the future. In other words, ask the question

‘What have I learnt that I would like to do differently now (in the present)?’
‘How can I emerge stronger from the problem so that I can look back with pride?’
‘What does the new, more developed me look like?’

Problems can be resolved by analyzing them objectively and drawing necessary conclusions for one’s behavior and attitudes. However, it is essential to then release the problem and concentrate on the present.

These three steps

1. recognise the problem

2. self-reflection and sober analysis of your own behaviour with the resulting maxim for change

3. let go of the problem so that it can be solved.

What do you think?

Harmony, an act of kindness?

Today’s quote comes from K. Pattabbi Jois: ‘Everyone can practise yoga as long as they can breathe.’

I would like to look at this quote in a figurative sense. The origin of the word yoga lies in Indian Sanskrit and can be translated as ‘unity, harmony’. Yoga harmonises body, mind and soul. This creates unity and connectedness, as well as a stronger awareness.

Achieving harmony within oneself is thus the aim of yoga. Harmony can be attained by understanding oneself, recognizing personal values, and acknowledging that every person has equal worth as a human being, regardless of any other factors. Each of us is unique and irreplaceable. The art lies in recognizing this and reaffirming it time and again. No matter the setbacks and twists of fate one encounters, no matter how often one must traverse valleys or deserts, the crucial thing is to never lose hope of discovering an oasis in the desert or reaching the mountain peak once more.

Your worth as a human being is constant, no matter the situation you’re in. My grandmother would say, ‚The sun will shine on your bread roll once more.‘ Pursuing and cultivating harmony in life is a lifelong endeavour. A glance at nature suffices to see this; life there is generally harmonious within a healthy ecosystem. External factors can disrupt this harmony, but if left to its own devices, nature will naturally regain balance. However, if it’s severely disrupted, a bit of assistance may be required to restore harmony.

Individuals can extend support to one another, fostering harmony and living harmoniously. This act of kindness is not bound by age.

Your thoughts influence your happiness

The quote for today’s article comes from Mary Shelley: Live, be happy, and make others happy.

Barbara Frederickson is a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina. In her book „The Power of Good Feelings“, she lists six facts about having a positive attitude. (Die Macht der guten Gefühle: Wie eine positive Haltung Ihr Leben dauerhaft verändert von Barbara Frederickson; Campus-Verlag, page 21-25)

A good feeling arises from a positive attitude
Thinking is changed by a positive attitude because it changes the perspective on situations
Your own future is changed by a positive attitude. A positive attitude improves sleep, reactions become more sensitive, one’s own perspective is more optimistic and one becomes more resilient, and relationships with family, friends and colleagues improve and intensify.
A positive attitude can regulate negative situations, for example, a person with a positive attitude will experience a lower rise in blood pressure in a negative situation. This does not mean seeing everything in a positive light, but rather finding solutions more quickly, as there is no need to get caught up in negative emotions.
The law of tipping points is the basis of a positive attitude. Small factors often determine the direction in which we interpret a situation. People with a positive basic attitude value and see positive elements in their lives more than people with a negative basic attitude. They see the sunrise, the first flowers in the morning, the smile of the person opposite, the pleasant weather, etc. As a result, all other situations are interpreted and evaluated differently.
You understand that your feelings are influenced by your thoughts. Your positive attitude can increase accordingly. Realising the full potential of your life is ultimately within your own power. This includes an internal locus of control and a strong growth mindset.

If you look at the factors for a positive basic attitude, it is easier to make others happy if you have a positive basic attitude yourself. By making others happy, you become happy yourself, because with a positive attitude you are sensitive enough to recognise this. Happiness, like smiling, is contagious and leads to a freer and more relaxed life, as well as actually influencing your future positively.

Life is like handling with roses

The quote for this article comes from Arabia: „Do not be angry that the rose bush bears thorns, but rejoice that the rose bush bears roses.“

Looking for the positive no matter what is happening is certainly helpful to avoid falling into a hole and spiralling downwards. However, constant positivity can be just as toxic. The consequences of positive toxicity are:

A false sense of security is created
Negative emotions, which are just as important as positive emotions as they can warn of danger, accelerate reactions and thus contribute to protection, are suppressed and minimised.
False hope and belief arise when you only want to see the positive, which can slow you down or make you unable to act.
Positive statements can make the other person feel even worse
Order is feigned, even though countermeasures are necessary

Positive toxicity can make you „blind“ to the essentials and fields of action that you can only recognise if you look.

It’s like a rose bush. When I cut roses to put them in a vase, I have a close look at the stem of the rose and remove the thorns first. That way I prevent any further consequences, namely pricking myself. Then I place it in the vase and enjoy the fragrance and the splendour of the flowers. Like this, we have to see and observe the negativity which happens in our lives. Then we have to think how we can get over this hurdle in our live. After and while we follow our path through the storm, we focus on the chance the hurdle we bring us and see the positive part of the moment (mindfulness).

Just like roses, life includes injuries and negative emotions that arise from thorns, but also seeing the beauty and opportunities of life, just like the blossom on the rose. Life has these two sides, and both negative and positive have their justification. Life is colourful. If we were only positive, we would certainly become accustomed to it at some point and no longer notice it. Let’s enjoy the shades and put both the positive and negative sides into perspective.

Moving out of comfort zone is admirable

The quote for today’s article comes from Seneca: „He who attempts great things is admirable, even if he falls.“

I can only agree with this quote. For several reasons, in my opinion:

You can learn from every venture, even if the goal you set at the beginning was not achieved
Your wealth of experience has grown
If you take the time to reflect, you can overcome the hurdles better next time
Your decisions become more stable as you can better recognise a possible case
Your own resilience increases, and you learn to deal with adversity more calmly
Your own self-confidence and self-awareness increases when you reflect on what has happened
You learn that stepping out of your comfort zone is enriching

Leaving the comfort zone is not easy at all.

The comfort zone is derived from the Yerkes-Dodson law (after Robert Yerkes and John D. Dodson, 1908) and was taken up by the psychiatrist Judith Bardwick.

The comfort zones consist of four areas.

In the comfort zone we feel safe and it is controllable
The next zone is the fear zone. In this zone, we look for excuses, seek counter-arguments or don’t trust ourselves due to low self-confidence.
Then comes the learning zone. This is where we acquire knowledge, face challenges, change our mindset and tackle problems
The last stage is the growth zone. Once you reach this zone, you find your purpose, live your dreams, set yourself goals, follow your own opinion/path and you will be even happier. In this zone, you need a growth mindset and usually have an internal locus of control.

Moving out of the comfort zone means courage on one side and more happiness and less fear on the other side.

How are you deciding?

Balance socialisation with individualisation

Today’s quote comes from Simone de Beauvoir: „Happiness consists in living like the whole world and yet being like no one else.“

The quote got me thinking. Does happiness really consist of being like the rest of the world? How can you still be unique then?

In the end, I came to the conclusion that there is a lot of truth in it. It’s easier to live like everyone else and in a way we have to, otherwise we can’t really get anywhere. Social life depends on being similar to the general public. There are certain rules, norms and values that we all have to adhere to so that social coexistence is possible. This can apply to a country as well as to smaller organisations, groups of friends or families.

Without similar values, mindsets and attitudes, actions and behaviours could diverge to such an extent that misunderstandings arise and ultimately work against each other, which would reduce recognition and appreciation. A common basis for behaviour and actions leads to a focus of energy and greater success.

Within these limits, however, it makes sense to live out one’s own individuality in order to feel satisfaction and happiness. This reminds me of Martin Seligman’s PERMA model. Martin Seligman researched why some people feel happier and more satisfied than others. He found that perceived happiness depends on five factors.

These have been summarised in the acronym PERMA and mean

P = Positive emotions

E = Engagement

R = Relationship

M = Meaning (Sense)

A = Accomplishment

Positive emotions arise when you can live out your personality and concentrate on the positive things. You can discover something positive every day, be it a small blossom or a carefree smile on a child’s face. Engaged action is binding and can be done in your own individual way. Good relationships with others arise when you are similar and yet uniquely individual. Discovering meaning in an action can only happen if you derive the meaning yourself and find it in your own individual way. Seeing success as accomplishment, recognising your own contribution to success, is the final aspect of feeling happiness and satisfaction.

Standing still and reflecting, brings us forward

The quote of the week comes from Friedrich Nietzsche and reads: ‘You have run too fast for your happiness. Now that you are getting tired and walking slowly, it is catching up with you.’

For me, it’s a quote that gives me hope. Ultimately, life is not straightforward, there are downs and ups, as well as stagnation and life in the fast lane.

What’s interesting is that when we ride a rollercoaster, it’s the downhill rides that are exciting and cause the tingling in our stomachs. The uphill rides are more the full excitement and anticipation of the downhill ride. Only when we stand still, we perceive the environment and the marvellous things in the world. If we are travelling at high speed, we can hardly see anything that is happening around us, we even get tunnel vision. Perhaps this is precisely why we fear the downhills in life, as we then develop tunnel vision and focus on our fate. Instead of realising that the downturns, i.e. the times when we were too fast for our happiness, make us rethink our lives and reorganise and realign ourselves and our lives. In this way, we can grow and develop a new self.

Nietzsche also says that although happiness has left us, we often continue to run in the direction we believe to be the lucky one. When we get tired and slow down, we realise that we have lost our way and are running after something that we cannot achieve.

Standing still is important, perhaps even more important than movement. Because growth is only possible at a standstill. Growth and change can only come about through reflection and stillness. Living beings grow little by little, and you only notice the difference from a distance. If you have the feeling that you have run out of luck, this could be a decisive phase in which growth and reorientation can occur. If this happens, happiness will come back to you because you have adapted to the new situation.