Kategorie: Communication

Almost 1000 accesses to my book: “Erfolgreich Gespräche im Berufsalltag führen“

Looking back on the time I spent writing the book, it took me a lot of patience to validate and substantiate the contents of the book. It was worth it because the research was very interesting and fruitful as I found wonderful studies and literature that supported my approach and scientifically proved its practicality. The approach developed for the company could not be fully based on valid literature at the time, as I had only two months to develop it for the company, so I researched to find sound studies for the book’s content. The proven and validated content showed me that the dialogue approach was thought provoking and can change in a more human way the conversation in business and beyond.

The book I have written builds on most of the available communication books I have now read and will take the reader to a more advanced level of communication. It is less about recipes on how to convince people of your opinion. Even one part of the book is about how the reader can detect such recipes that are designed to get other people to do something for the person (manipulation). My book is much more about having an honest conversation. This is not just about being honest about the content of the conversation, but also about being honest with yourself in order to uncover the thought patterns and subconscious of the other person(s) and to become aware of your own. This approach allows us to meet each other as people rather than as roles or functions.

Our autonomic nervous system influences thoughts and feelings

Deb Dana and Deb Grant develop a model to illustrate the connection between emotion, thoughts (Psychology) and the effect of the autonomeous nervus system (Biology). (source: The Polyvagal PlayLab: Helping Therapists Bring Polyvagal Theory to Their Clients)

Deb Dana and Deb Grant This “ladder-model“ is build on Stephen Porges “Polyvagal Theory”. The three aspects emotion, thoughts and autonomeous nerveoussystem influence each other and are dependent from each other. By understanding these dependencies, actions can be derived that calm the autonomic nervous system and enable us to develop more lighter and uplifting thoughts and emotions.

The “ladder mapping” divided our modes into three phases:

Darkness:

  1. Feelings that prevail for example: blurred, hopeless, loss of focus, numb, cold, hopeless, closed, helpless
  2. Thoughts are for example: I am… invisible, lonely, lost, unlovable and the world around me is… cold, hostile, dark
  3. From the autonomic nervous system the dorsal-vagal nervous system is active. Which leads to immobilization and freezing / stagnation. Through this the person can collapse.

Chaos

  1. Feelings predominate for example: it is out of control, overwhelming, confusing, full of anger, confronting and the desire to run away
  2. Thoughts that arise are for example: I am… different, crazy, unacceptable
  3. The autonomic nervous system is the sympathetic nervous system. This has a mobilizing effect, creating a readiness to fight and curse

Balance

  1. Feelings that prevail are for example: connected, warm-hearted, open, curious, committed, passionate, relaxed
  2. Thoughts are: I am … okay and the world around me is full of possibilities and enriching
  3. The active autonomeous nerves system is the ventral vagal part / smart vagus, which enables security and social interaction.

These three phases have parallels to the griefing / change phase according to Kübler Ross (source: change curve), There are five phases described:

  1. Shock and denial, which is paralell to the „darkness-ladder“
  2. Anger is equal to the „chaos-ladder“
  3. Bargaining is between „Chaos-“ and „Balance-ladder“
  4. Depression: Is going back to „Darkness-ladder“
  5. Acceptance: at the end is the „Balanced ladder“

Tip to overcome better the „darkness-“ and „chaos ladder“:

The SMART vagus is activated in empathic conversations, which is why psychotherapy and coaching are very powerful. Whereby personal contact with people, in reallity and not virtually, is important for the unconciousness to „co-regulate“ and create the neurozeption. Neuroception activated the SMART vagus and stop the dorsal vagus and sympathikus. This happens only optimal when conversational partner meat real (not virtual) conversation, as this was learnd from the unconciousness through evolutrion. This happens through the autonomic nervous system (unconciousness), which scans constantly the environments and registers external stimuli. A positive facial expression, a friendly smile, people who take their time and do nothing but listen, a calm and relaxed voice are necessary to bring the autonomic nervous system out of immobilization or fight or flight. Singing and deep breathing is also supportive, as it has a calming down effect.

If you find yourself on the ladder of darkness or chaos, then seek a personal conversation with a person who is sympathetic to you and accepts and respects you as an individual, this will calm your autonomic nervous system.

Causes of gullibility

Who doesn’t know the rumor mill? Rumors and erroneous or even distorted statements last a long time and stick to the people at the center of the „gossip“ like tar.

A study by Ecker et al. in 2022 got to the bottom of „the psychological drivers of misinformation belief and its resistance to correction“. The researchers found that two factors play a role in gullibility. These are:

  1. Cognitive factors, which differ as follows:
  • Intuitions that arise from a low level of analysis
  • Cognitive inaccuracy due to not applying one’s own knowledge and ignoring counter-evidence, as well as not asking for valid sources
  • Illusions of truth created by the familiar atmosphere and interactions, as well as the coincidence with one’s own experiences

2. Social factors, which differs as follow

  • Credibility of groups. Hierarchically higher and elites are believed more, attractive people are rated as more credible and one’s own social affiliation plays a decisive role.
  • World views such as one’s own party or personal views are decisive here
  • Emotions, if a message is presented emotionally, it is believed more, and one’s own emotional state also plays a decisive role.

Tip:

Before investigating the rumours again and accepting what has been said as all too true, it is better to talk to the people who were involved. Listen to them and make up your own mind about the facts.

It is also important to recognise that higher hierarchies, celebrities or people of high status are as flawed and ‚fallible‘ as anyone else.

The psychological drivers of misinformation belief and its resistance to correction | Nature Reviews Psychology

Inhalt meines ersten, veröffentlichen Buches

Dieses Fachbuch stellt einen praxiserprobten Kommunikationsansatz vor, der an der eigenen Haltung, bestehenden Glaubensmustern und dem Bewusstsein der unbewussten und autonomen Vorgänge ansetzt.

Unbewusste biologische Vorgänge, psychologische und soziale Aspekte haben einen großen Einfluss auf den Gesprächserfolg und entscheiden teilweise sogar über das gesamte Miteinander. Gerade die Kommunikation im Arbeitsleben ist herausfordernd.

Durch verschiedene Ansätze und Prinzipien, die die eigene Kommunikationskompetenz fördern wie Achtsamkeit, persönliche Führung, Wissen über Vorurteile und Glaubenssätze, Vertrauen, Wertschätzung und emotionale Intelligenz kann Kommunikation auf Augenhöhe gelingen.

Der Gesprächspartner wird durch aufmerksames Zuhören und neugierige Fragen angeregt, eine eigene Lösung zu entwickeln und intrinsisch motiviert zu handeln. Durch die Anwendung der vorgestellten Prinzipien werden die Gespräche im beruflichen Kontext optimiert und das Miteinander verbessert, da die Gespräche zu einem lösungsorientierten Verhalten führen, dessen Ergebnisse nachhaltig umgesetzt werden.

Das Erproben und Anwenden der neuen Form der Kommunikation kann dazu beitragen, dass sich Organisationen „von innen heraus“ verändern und zu Lernenden-Organisationen entwickeln. Wiederkehrende Beispiele aus dem beruflichen Kontext geben hilfreiche Hinweise für die praktische Umsetzung.

S.Voss Erfolgreich Gespräche im Berufsalltag führen Der Einfluss von Haltung, Deutungsmustern und Unterbewusstsein auf Gesprächssituationen 2023. XIII, 301 S. 31 Abb. Brosch. € (D) 49,99 | € (A) 51,39 | CHF 55.50 978-3-662-67787-2 € 39,99 | CHF 44.00 978-3-662-67788-9 (eBook)

Coaching is like a good (mental) fitness trainer

The main analogy is that the performance coach needs to be a role model.

Only when he/she shows the same attitudes, behavior and mindset what the performance coach wants to see at the employee, the employee will adapt it. When your sports trainer is not accurate in what he/she practise the mistake will be transferred to the participant.

 The analog to a trainer and a performance coaching is

  • accountable partnership
  • process discipline
  • process goals
  • planning
  • review/ tracking / recording progress
  • attitude role modelling

 Without a trainer / coach the most people would have achieved less of what they would have reached without a specialist accountability partner who ensures that the agreed process is rigorously followed, and that performance progress is tracked and visible.

 There is an investment in an optional service with results that are exponentially better than if the individual or team went without focused and specialist support.

Historic role models: Napoleon Bonaparte role model of modern leadership?

Letting beside the cruel and interessting psychological dimension of Napoleon Bonaparte, his leadership style was astonishing modern and systemic.

In a way, he was ahead of his time.

Many of today’s leaders could learn from Napoeleon’s leadership style.

 His leadership principles were:

  1. „Never ask others what you are not prepared to do your self
  2. Be courageous
  3. Plan everything
  4. Establish clear objectives
  5. Be diplomatic
  6. Secure alliance and be loyal
  7. Search for facts and truth
  8. Intelligence is vital, set high standards
  9. Be fair, firm and flexible
  10. Maintain personal discipline
  11. Concentrate on primary objectives
  12. Stay in touch with your team
  13. Keep your promises
  14. Give credits for success
  15. Take responsibility for failure
  16. Prepair for victory and anticipate failure
  17. Be passionate, energetic enthusiastic
  18. Maintain „integrity“

Such thinking, principles and approaches can be found in the literature on leadership today.

(Source: https://scholar.valpo.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1389&c… )

Overcome difficulties of change

Change is on everyone’s lips and ears. Nothing seems to be as important as this word, this activity. When reading job descriptions, one of the most important skills is to be change-affine. Change is something natural, we change all our lives without pressure. It is the normal changing development from baby to child, to teenager and to adult and finally to senior. Some people seem to change only physically. They then get stuck at certain points in, for example, childhood.

If one wants to change an organisation, this is just as natural as the environment often changes. The tricky thing about change in an organisation is that everyone is expected to change in the same direction at the same time. The top leadership decides that the organisation should change in a certain direction. These leaders themselves develop the desired changes at their own pace and to fit their thought patterns. Often, they do not consider that everyone in the organisation has their own thought patterns, beliefs, and assumptions. In this way, they are one step ahead of the rest of the organisation, having worked on these changes months or years before the others. The lower hierarchies then must adapt their beliefs, thinking patterns and thus their behaviour in a much shorter period, mostly expected to happen ad hoc. This is almost impossible because they are only told the reasons and purpose behind the change and could not figure them out themselves. They are expected to follow the implementation rather than understand it. To use the above image, it is like being a baby and having to transition from that directly to adulthood. This is not possible because the necessary developmental steps would be missing.

Change is necessary to survive in the VUCA world, that is clear. Change alone is not enough, in my opinion. Only if everyone wants to change and everyone is given the same time to change, as is currently lived more at senior level, then sustainable change takes place, because everyone in the organization could take the small development steps.

Idea for implementation: To use the entire organization and its expertise, the sustainable method would be to invite all members of the organization (participative change). This is often impossible. To still hear, take along and „use“ the various areas and departments, ambassadors could be sent from each area. These ambassadors are not sent by the executives or apply independently. They are elected by the area or department, through the colleagues. Through this critics will be more likely to entering the „development group“. One rule should be, that the „development-group“ is a judgmental-free space. Such an approach of working participatively changes the basic assumptions at the lowest level of Edgar Schein’s culture model. This takes courage and a perceived loss of power from top management, but it is worth trying as the intelligence and willingness of the entire organization will drive change and not just a „handful“ of people chosen for their hierarchical level.

#changemanagement #organization #VUCA #Idea

The power of feedforward

Employees are familiar with the construct of feedback, developed with good intentions, but not always used with them.

Some of you may have experienced feedback being misused to express opinions, assumptions and prejudices about the feedback recipient. The feedback giver tends to project their own behaviour, or the behaviour they are forbidden, unwilling or unable to see, onto the feedback recipient. Even if the feedback is given with good intentions on the part of the feedback giver, the issue is that we are talking about the past. This in turn reinforces the image that the subconscious mind has created of the feedback giver towards the feedback receiver. Which leads to a „vicious circle“ as the feedback giver wants to have his perception confirmed and only perceives the nuances of the feedback receiver that fit the perception of the feedback giver and wants to perceive.

One hurdle is that, I suppose, none of us has a time machine, to change the past. The other hurdle is that sometimes feedback comes as a real surprise to the feedback receiver, who has already forgotten the situation or behaviour to which the feedback giver is referring. Memories are never identical or logical. This leads to the uncomfortable and sometimes helpless feeling when we have to go to a feedback meeting. Perhaps there is a satisfaction in the feedback giver telling a person ‚the truth‘, forgetting that this is only the individual perception. As each of us constructs our own truth/reality based on the experiences we have had. 

To be more effective, efficient and sustainable, and to create team power, we need to reflect on our behaviour and attitudes before we follow up with actions or conversations. This is why Marshall Goldsmith’s ‚feedforward‚ approach is so powerful in making a real difference. In this setting, feedforward givers and takers focus on the future and suggest strategies for a better future, without focusing on the past, which only serves to consolidate. 

The following brings the difference between feedforward and feedback to the point:

Feedforward helps to understand before the activity what is expected, how one should behave and interact. Through such reflection it is clear what is required of each individual in order to achieve the goal and a change in behavior is possible as it comes from oneself.

Feedback provides insight into how the external view on a person is, regarding the interaction and behaviour towards others. This creates awareness, but often comes too late or can come from a person whom the feedback recipient does not trust. In addition, an imbalance can arise, since mostly only the perception of the feedback provider is heard.

Feedforward entails three key elements:

  1. Both must adopt a benevolent inner attitude and mindset: The attitude is like an inner voice. If we take the view that our opinion is the only right one and must be followed, then feedforward will not work. However, if we are open to the opinions of others in order to achieve a common goal together, then feedforward is an effective method. Feedforward ensures that all ideas are heard and that the goal is pursued with passion by all, because both parties feel accepted and valued. 
  2. Focus on the solution rather than the problem: To support this thinking, it would be helpful to eliminate the question word „why“ as it leads back to the past and not to the future. Instead, it would be better to use the question word „what“ to find a future solution. This is proven by Tasha Eurich in her studies on self-awareness. In combination with Prof. Dr. Otto Scharmer’s Theory U of intensive listening and imagining the future together (Presensing), leads to open up the mind and uncover opportunities for a better future.
  3. Developing specific solutions together: This is a resource-oriented method and looks at existing competencies and how they can be supported.

Idea for feedforward, when you feel safe:

  1. Describe your goal clearly and simply
  2. Ask for two suggestions and support creative ideas
  3. Listen carefully and write down the suggestions
  4. Just thank you without apology or defensiveness
  5. Roles are swapped regardless of hierarchy
  6. In larger groups, a new conversation partner is sought and the procedure is repeated

#feedback #feedforward #mindset #TheoryU #Selfawareness #unconciousness #psychologicalsafe #success

Spiral dynamics: Motives as basic of our behaviour and success in the VUCA world

n communication, it is a challenge to be seen and recognized as a partner. Conversations at eye level /as peers are a challenge, when different ways of thinking meet. Flexible thinking would be helpful in such moments. This requires a different attitude as well as a different level of consciousness than exists mainly in the Western world.

Clare C. Graves, evidenced by Don Beck and Chris Cowan, has found different levels of consciousness, which she distinguishes into eight different levels of existence with different patterns of thinking. These thought patterns are based on the motives that drive them. She called this Spiral Dynamics.

Most people in the Western world belong to the first levels / graves (Graves, C. W. (1974). Human Nature Prepares for a Momentous Leap. The Futurist, 72-87.). What they have in common is an egocentric attitude.

The levels of existence, also called Spiral Dynamics. The eight levels / graves are colour coded. They are referred to as WMem. WMem is defined as follows: „A WMem is expressed in a world-view, a value system, a psychological level of existence, a belief structure, an organizational principle, a way of thinking and living“ (Beck and Cowan, 2008, p. 64).

In addition, authors Don Edward Beck and Christopher C. Cowan distinguish between first and second Tier thinking. People with a first Tier mindset usually behave in an ego-driven manner with the main question in mind: „What is the benefit for me? What’s in it for me?“ The first Tier includes five different graves of consciousness with the colours beige, purple, red, blue and orange.

The basic motifs and world-view of the first Tier are:

– Physiological stability (beige),

– Security (purple),

– Domination and power (red),

– Sense and order (blue),

– Autonomy and manipulation (orange),

– Equality and community (green)

The second Tier includes two different graves of consciousness. The second Tier world-view enables the person to respond flexibly to change, to take interconnected, comprehensive perspectives, and to recognize the dynamics of the whole earth, enabling macro-level action. This mindset is consistent with ecosystem and empathic relationship. People with the second Tier mindset tend to behave in an eco-oriented way, asking the most important questions, The questions in their mind are: „What is the benefit of the system in which I am involved? What is the bigger picture and impact on the earth / my environment?“ This second Tier includes two different consciousnesses with the colours yellow and turquoise.

The basic motifs and world-views of the second Tier are:  

– Flexibility and natural flow (yellow),

– Life and harmony (turquoise)

Most people are mixed types with different degrees of expression of the first or second level.

The transition from the first to the second level is crucial for the transition from ego-system to eco-system, which is necessary in the VUCA world (Voluntil, Uncertain, Complex, Ambigue) and to evolve to a „Learning Organisation“.

Because of the attitude and mindset of flexibility and harmony, there are no biases, prejudices, or other hierarchical challenges to overcome. The focus is on solving a problem together and developing a process, not on who gets the credit.