Kategorie: Change

Change is a challenge

My weekly calendar this week has a quote from

Percy Bysshe Shelly (*1792- Ɨ1822):

„The path of its departure still is free: Man’s yesterday may ne’er be like his morrow; Nought may endure but Mutability.“

Surely everyone knows these or similar statements, such as: „Nothing is more constant than change“. We often don’t realise how much everything around us is changing. Our day is largely made up of routines and recurring experiences. For example, many of us get up at the same time every day, start our day with coffee or tea, and so on. But it is never the same. There’s always something different, even if it’s the weather. We plan day by day and then something unforeseen happens and we might just change the daily routine a bit. We are used to all these small changes and can cope with them.

But what about big changes? Every change creates a little crisis. The processes we have learnt and used successfully in the past no longer produce the desired results or are simply no longer wanted. Change is always about stress and individual coping strategies.

Each change has a different impact on each individual. Change is and never has the same effect on an individual level.

With this sudden crisis weh ave to deal on an individual stage. Adviced are often not supportive as they are successful fort he advice giver but not for our own reality and live.

The only similarity is , that to acept and overcome change, we go all through four phases:

  1. Shock
  2. Reaction to the shock
  3. Processing with acceptance and finding solutions
  4. Reorienting ourselves and our environment

The phases are not chronological, they can occur simultaneously or they can repeat themselves, forming loops until a real solution is found.

Yes, change is the only thing that will always and everywhere be there, the question is what strategies we develop to move through the four phases successfully and effectively.

Speed is certainly not the measure for overcome change, but rather to find and follow our personal path that suits us.

Value of emptiness

Imagine that all the cups in your cupboard are already full. Each cup represents a specific drink. Whenever you take out the long, red cup, it contains grape juice. The long, red cup is conditioned with the taste of grape juice.

Imagine the same experience happening from year to year. One day, someone mixes in grapefruit juice. Do you think you would be able to taste it?

If you believe the conditioning, this will not happen. You will taste grape juice again and not the mixture of grape- and grapefruit juice. It will be the same as always. Your brain will not notice the slight difference.

Something similar happens to people. They always seem to be the same. What is forgotten is that every person develops, learns, begins to think and act regarding to different perspectives, and forgets others behaviours or thoughts. If we are allowed to accompany a person for a longer period, we notice the changes less. If we don’t see this person for a long time and meet the person again, we expect to meet the same person as we know from „before“. We look for behaviours that are very familiar to us to confirm that it is still the same as „before“. We overlook the grapefruit note, as the person may have aged but is not the same.

To recognize the grapefruit, mindfulness is a good solution. This means just being in the moment, without judgment or interpretation.

According to Bruce Lee: “ In order to taste my cup of water you must first empty your cup. My friend, drop all of your preconceived fixed ideas and be neutral. Do you know why this cup is so useful? Because it is empty.“ (Bruce Lee, John Little: Bruce Lee´s Striking Thoughts, Wisdom for daily living; Publisher Tuttle; 20002, s. 30)

In this way you also have the freedom to pour wine into the cup. This enriches your experience and the joy of diversity.

New Year: Focus on personal, character development

The new year is in the starting blocks and awaits us with many surprises and changes in our lives.

This is the time of the year when new goals are set, which are usually out of the question after a few weeks. This may be why younger people are more likely to make New Year’s resolutions. Statistically, 31% of 18-24 year olds set goals and resolutions for the New Year. 80% of the over 55s do not set any new goals or resolutions for the New Year. (Statista)

One reason for this may be that they have learned that New Year’s resolutions are often not stable and do not last in everyday life.

Instead of setting resolutions or goals, use New Year’s Day to reflect on what went really well in the past year and where you are in the present. What have you learnt? What was good this year?

Even if 2023 had some bad surprises in store for you, it also had good aspects to discover and focus on. We can all be grateful that we can end this year by focusing on the present and our own personal development. Instead of thinking about new resolutions, think about your behaviour and remember the times in the year that is drawing to a close, when you had the opportunity to learn and process your learning areas in order to become aware of your own development path. I am not referring to your professional development, but to your personal, character development.

For example, I learned that my family gives me strength and helps me to be resilient. I have been able to see for myself the impact of micro-politics and the importance of networks and real personal interactions. I am grateful to Springer Gabler for publishing my book. In this book, I was able to contribute my knowledge, which has helped and support me to develop myself further. What have you learnt, and what are you grateful for?

Self-reflection is not only important at the end of the year

In many cultures, we are used to reflecting on the past year and making promises to ourselves for the coming year. This is something we often do too little of in our everyday lives. Without regular, everyday reflection, it is difficult to learn and change behaviours that are needed for the now and are not based on past success.

The lack of reflection can be caused by the following:
– Daily stress
– Fear of discovering blind spots or letting the repressed come alive
– Sudden circumstances that intervene
– Inability to be honest

Our interpretation is unique because we construct it based on past experiences. Therefore, the following reflection questions can help us learn from observation:

  1. What were the three most important moments/situations in the conversation that just took place?
  2. Which reactions of the dialogue partner were surprising and were not addressed? What triggered this behaviour/reaction?
  3. What would have been an even more successful course of the conversation?
  4. What behaviour would have made the conversation even more successful? How can I get there next time?

In order to actually be able to answer these reflection questions, it makes the most sense to do this directly after the interview. Reflection cannot be done on the side, but it is important to stop and think. Only when you stop and reflect on what has happened can you understand and change your interpretation of the situation. Because our interpretation causes our feelings, and our feelings lead to our actions and beliefs. If reflection is postponed until later, the nuances of the conversation are weakened by your own construct.

Make reflecting on your behaviour and conversation to your routine, and don’t just limit it to the turn of the year.

If you want to read more, see my book side 274 following: S.Voss Erfolgreich Gespräche im Berufsalltag führen Der Einfluss von Haltung, Deutungsmustern und Unterbewusstsein auf Gesprächssituationen 2023. XIII, 301 S. 31 Abb. Brosch. € (D) 49,99 | € (A) 51,39 | CHF 55.50 978-3-662-67787-2 € 39,99 | CHF 44.00 978-3-662-67788-9 (eBook)

Positive feelings: The result of questions

Feelings are the result of emotions. Positive feelings are a result of our thinking. According to Barbara Fredrickson, everyone can enable positive feelings through self-exploration:

  1. Happiness: what observation would make me happy under different circumstances?
  2. Gratitude: What can I be grateful for in this situation? What have I learned and what will I be grateful for in the future?
  3. Cheerfulness: How can I change the context so that it cheers me up? What elements would I enjoy under different circumstances?
  4. Interest: What was unexpected, what made me curious and what would I like to understand better?
  5. Hope: What can I change to make a difference next time? What can I do to make it more fun?
  6. Pride: What was I proud of in this situation? Which skills did I use best? What thought patterns got me this far?
  7. Pleasure: What could I have laughed at because it came as such a surprise?
  8. Inspiration: What behaviour, what message from my conversation partner did I find inspiring?
  9. Awe: What was so fascinating, wonderful, and heart-warming and made a deep impression on me? What is the big picture that is different from normality?
  10. Love: Was there a moment when all the above feelings came together?

This is challenging in many situations, but it helps us to build resilience. Practicing this promotes positive feelings, which lead to positive thinking, which leads to behaviour change.

In the long term, such thinking will transform challenging and static thinking patterns and beliefs into a growth mindset and positive thinking, and appropriate, empowering behaviour.

Give it a try!

For more information, read my book from side 114 forward:

Erfolgreich Gespräche im Berufsalltag führen:
Der Einfluss von Haltung, Deutungsmustern und Unterbewusstsein auf Gesprächssituationen
| SpringerLink

Our autonomic nervous system influences thoughts and feelings

Deb Dana and Deb Grant develop a model to illustrate the connection between emotion, thoughts (Psychology) and the effect of the autonomeous nervus system (Biology). (source: The Polyvagal PlayLab: Helping Therapists Bring Polyvagal Theory to Their Clients)

Deb Dana and Deb Grant This “ladder-model“ is build on Stephen Porges “Polyvagal Theory”. The three aspects emotion, thoughts and autonomeous nerveoussystem influence each other and are dependent from each other. By understanding these dependencies, actions can be derived that calm the autonomic nervous system and enable us to develop more lighter and uplifting thoughts and emotions.

The “ladder mapping” divided our modes into three phases:

Darkness:

  1. Feelings that prevail for example: blurred, hopeless, loss of focus, numb, cold, hopeless, closed, helpless
  2. Thoughts are for example: I am… invisible, lonely, lost, unlovable and the world around me is… cold, hostile, dark
  3. From the autonomic nervous system the dorsal-vagal nervous system is active. Which leads to immobilization and freezing / stagnation. Through this the person can collapse.

Chaos

  1. Feelings predominate for example: it is out of control, overwhelming, confusing, full of anger, confronting and the desire to run away
  2. Thoughts that arise are for example: I am… different, crazy, unacceptable
  3. The autonomic nervous system is the sympathetic nervous system. This has a mobilizing effect, creating a readiness to fight and curse

Balance

  1. Feelings that prevail are for example: connected, warm-hearted, open, curious, committed, passionate, relaxed
  2. Thoughts are: I am … okay and the world around me is full of possibilities and enriching
  3. The active autonomeous nerves system is the ventral vagal part / smart vagus, which enables security and social interaction.

These three phases have parallels to the griefing / change phase according to Kübler Ross (source: change curve), There are five phases described:

  1. Shock and denial, which is paralell to the „darkness-ladder“
  2. Anger is equal to the „chaos-ladder“
  3. Bargaining is between „Chaos-“ and „Balance-ladder“
  4. Depression: Is going back to „Darkness-ladder“
  5. Acceptance: at the end is the „Balanced ladder“

Tip to overcome better the „darkness-“ and „chaos ladder“:

The SMART vagus is activated in empathic conversations, which is why psychotherapy and coaching are very powerful. Whereby personal contact with people, in reallity and not virtually, is important for the unconciousness to „co-regulate“ and create the neurozeption. Neuroception activated the SMART vagus and stop the dorsal vagus and sympathikus. This happens only optimal when conversational partner meat real (not virtual) conversation, as this was learnd from the unconciousness through evolutrion. This happens through the autonomic nervous system (unconciousness), which scans constantly the environments and registers external stimuli. A positive facial expression, a friendly smile, people who take their time and do nothing but listen, a calm and relaxed voice are necessary to bring the autonomic nervous system out of immobilization or fight or flight. Singing and deep breathing is also supportive, as it has a calming down effect.

If you find yourself on the ladder of darkness or chaos, then seek a personal conversation with a person who is sympathetic to you and accepts and respects you as an individual, this will calm your autonomic nervous system.

Historic role models: Napoleon Bonaparte role model of modern leadership?

Letting beside the cruel and interessting psychological dimension of Napoleon Bonaparte, his leadership style was astonishing modern and systemic.

In a way, he was ahead of his time.

Many of today’s leaders could learn from Napoeleon’s leadership style.

 His leadership principles were:

  1. „Never ask others what you are not prepared to do your self
  2. Be courageous
  3. Plan everything
  4. Establish clear objectives
  5. Be diplomatic
  6. Secure alliance and be loyal
  7. Search for facts and truth
  8. Intelligence is vital, set high standards
  9. Be fair, firm and flexible
  10. Maintain personal discipline
  11. Concentrate on primary objectives
  12. Stay in touch with your team
  13. Keep your promises
  14. Give credits for success
  15. Take responsibility for failure
  16. Prepair for victory and anticipate failure
  17. Be passionate, energetic enthusiastic
  18. Maintain „integrity“

Such thinking, principles and approaches can be found in the literature on leadership today.

(Source: https://scholar.valpo.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1389&c… )

Study: Gender difference in building self-confidence

In an 2020 IFD Allensbach study (IfD – Institut für Demoskopie Allensbach (IfD) (ifd-allensbach.de)), 800 women and 800 men were asked: „What people draw their self-confidence from varies greatly. According to your observations, what does it particularly depend on whether women / men are self-confident? What from this list is particularly important?“

On top one for men was „success at work“ with 82% builds their confidence, followed by „finances“ at 77%. On top one for women was „popularity“ with 74% builds their confidence, followed by „good looks“ 72% Women answered only 66% that „success at work“ is important to their confidence.

Men want almost equal amounts of „recognition from women“ (51%) and „recognition from men“ (45%). Women voted differently in terms of gender. „Recognition from men“ supports self-confidence more (45%) than from „recognition from women“ only with (29%).

One assumption of the last fact could be that gender equivalence is more ingrained in the minds of men than in the minds of women. Women seem to value the recognition of men more than that of women (maybe this is just a wrong interpretation of a statistic 😉 ).

What is your opinion on this interesting fact?

Overcome difficulties of change

Change is on everyone’s lips and ears. Nothing seems to be as important as this word, this activity. When reading job descriptions, one of the most important skills is to be change-affine. Change is something natural, we change all our lives without pressure. It is the normal changing development from baby to child, to teenager and to adult and finally to senior. Some people seem to change only physically. They then get stuck at certain points in, for example, childhood.

If one wants to change an organisation, this is just as natural as the environment often changes. The tricky thing about change in an organisation is that everyone is expected to change in the same direction at the same time. The top leadership decides that the organisation should change in a certain direction. These leaders themselves develop the desired changes at their own pace and to fit their thought patterns. Often, they do not consider that everyone in the organisation has their own thought patterns, beliefs, and assumptions. In this way, they are one step ahead of the rest of the organisation, having worked on these changes months or years before the others. The lower hierarchies then must adapt their beliefs, thinking patterns and thus their behaviour in a much shorter period, mostly expected to happen ad hoc. This is almost impossible because they are only told the reasons and purpose behind the change and could not figure them out themselves. They are expected to follow the implementation rather than understand it. To use the above image, it is like being a baby and having to transition from that directly to adulthood. This is not possible because the necessary developmental steps would be missing.

Change is necessary to survive in the VUCA world, that is clear. Change alone is not enough, in my opinion. Only if everyone wants to change and everyone is given the same time to change, as is currently lived more at senior level, then sustainable change takes place, because everyone in the organization could take the small development steps.

Idea for implementation: To use the entire organization and its expertise, the sustainable method would be to invite all members of the organization (participative change). This is often impossible. To still hear, take along and „use“ the various areas and departments, ambassadors could be sent from each area. These ambassadors are not sent by the executives or apply independently. They are elected by the area or department, through the colleagues. Through this critics will be more likely to entering the „development group“. One rule should be, that the „development-group“ is a judgmental-free space. Such an approach of working participatively changes the basic assumptions at the lowest level of Edgar Schein’s culture model. This takes courage and a perceived loss of power from top management, but it is worth trying as the intelligence and willingness of the entire organization will drive change and not just a „handful“ of people chosen for their hierarchical level.

#changemanagement #organization #VUCA #Idea

The power of feedforward

Employees are familiar with the construct of feedback, developed with good intentions, but not always used with them.

Some of you may have experienced feedback being misused to express opinions, assumptions and prejudices about the feedback recipient. The feedback giver tends to project their own behaviour, or the behaviour they are forbidden, unwilling or unable to see, onto the feedback recipient. Even if the feedback is given with good intentions on the part of the feedback giver, the issue is that we are talking about the past. This in turn reinforces the image that the subconscious mind has created of the feedback giver towards the feedback receiver. Which leads to a „vicious circle“ as the feedback giver wants to have his perception confirmed and only perceives the nuances of the feedback receiver that fit the perception of the feedback giver and wants to perceive.

One hurdle is that, I suppose, none of us has a time machine, to change the past. The other hurdle is that sometimes feedback comes as a real surprise to the feedback receiver, who has already forgotten the situation or behaviour to which the feedback giver is referring. Memories are never identical or logical. This leads to the uncomfortable and sometimes helpless feeling when we have to go to a feedback meeting. Perhaps there is a satisfaction in the feedback giver telling a person ‚the truth‘, forgetting that this is only the individual perception. As each of us constructs our own truth/reality based on the experiences we have had. 

To be more effective, efficient and sustainable, and to create team power, we need to reflect on our behaviour and attitudes before we follow up with actions or conversations. This is why Marshall Goldsmith’s ‚feedforward‚ approach is so powerful in making a real difference. In this setting, feedforward givers and takers focus on the future and suggest strategies for a better future, without focusing on the past, which only serves to consolidate. 

The following brings the difference between feedforward and feedback to the point:

Feedforward helps to understand before the activity what is expected, how one should behave and interact. Through such reflection it is clear what is required of each individual in order to achieve the goal and a change in behavior is possible as it comes from oneself.

Feedback provides insight into how the external view on a person is, regarding the interaction and behaviour towards others. This creates awareness, but often comes too late or can come from a person whom the feedback recipient does not trust. In addition, an imbalance can arise, since mostly only the perception of the feedback provider is heard.

Feedforward entails three key elements:

  1. Both must adopt a benevolent inner attitude and mindset: The attitude is like an inner voice. If we take the view that our opinion is the only right one and must be followed, then feedforward will not work. However, if we are open to the opinions of others in order to achieve a common goal together, then feedforward is an effective method. Feedforward ensures that all ideas are heard and that the goal is pursued with passion by all, because both parties feel accepted and valued. 
  2. Focus on the solution rather than the problem: To support this thinking, it would be helpful to eliminate the question word „why“ as it leads back to the past and not to the future. Instead, it would be better to use the question word „what“ to find a future solution. This is proven by Tasha Eurich in her studies on self-awareness. In combination with Prof. Dr. Otto Scharmer’s Theory U of intensive listening and imagining the future together (Presensing), leads to open up the mind and uncover opportunities for a better future.
  3. Developing specific solutions together: This is a resource-oriented method and looks at existing competencies and how they can be supported.

Idea for feedforward, when you feel safe:

  1. Describe your goal clearly and simply
  2. Ask for two suggestions and support creative ideas
  3. Listen carefully and write down the suggestions
  4. Just thank you without apology or defensiveness
  5. Roles are swapped regardless of hierarchy
  6. In larger groups, a new conversation partner is sought and the procedure is repeated

#feedback #feedforward #mindset #TheoryU #Selfawareness #unconciousness #psychologicalsafe #success