reflection – Food for thoughts

Reflecting in Still Waters: Insights from Lao Tzu

Today’s quote comes from Lao Tzu: „In flowing water, one cannot see one’s own reflection, but in still water, one can.“

In flowing water, we can only discern vague outlines or shadows of our faces—what we see is not personalized or distinct; it could belong to anyone. Each of us processes our experiences, both consciously and unconsciously, reflecting on our actions and those of others. When a day is hectic and relentlessly scheduled, the surrounding chaos makes it difficult to recognize our own contributions, hindering our opportunity for learning and personal growth.

Nevertheless, our subconscious is at work, attempting to make sense of uncomfortable situations. If we fail to take the time to reflect and think calmly about what has happened—what our role was and how we interpreted the situation—we risk allowing our subconscious to draw its own conclusions. We strive for consistency in our reactions, wanting to appear logical and coherent to ourselves. This means we often deflect negative behaviors and attribute them to others.

Recognizing our own part in a situation requires stillness and reflection. Without this, projection occurs: we transfer our own behaviors that contributed to a challenging situation onto others. This can only happen when the waters are turbulent, obscuring the contours of our own actions.

A valuable exercise for reflection is the Five Finger Method:

Thumb: What have I learned from this?
Index Finger: How did I represent my own goals? Did I understand the goals of others?
Middle Finger: How did I feel? What emotions did I experience?
Ring Finger: How did I support or help the other person?
Little Finger: What have I done for myself? Was I truly present?

As we navigate the complexities of our interactions, let us strive to find those moments of stillness that allow for deeper reflection. How can you create space in your life to recognize your own contributions and foster personal growth?

Follow your path and listen to others and reflect

The weekly quote in my diary this week comes from Dante Alighieri: „Where the way is hardest, there go thou; Follow your own path and let people talk.“

It sounds so simple, but in my opinion it harbours many challenges.

The two challenges that I can recognise are

1. I agree to the quote in some esteem, as the other alternative is to get lost of your self. As then, you are simply not thinking about what is right, simply not forming your own opinion and disagree to the „stronger“ may make life easier. Through this behaviour, you can let your own life „ripple along“. It is then comparable to a stream that flows quietly but receives little attention. Walking your own path means giving it some thought, even bumping into things and perhaps feeling how others put their heads together when you walk past, and feeling sceptical glances. On the other hand, your own life is turbulent and more like a white-water river with bends and some unforeseen currents. Others will try to divert the river or slow it down, but the current is too strong.

2. Following your own path without considering the opinions and perhaps feelings of others. No matter how difficult the situation is, it can also make you lonely. It can also lead to self-centredness, as you only pursue yourself and your goal and turn people against you. It can also happen that you pursue your goal so much that you overlook the beauty around you or can no longer recognise the helping hands. Metaphorically speaking, the behaviour could resemble a raging waterfall. It is hardly possible for other larger life to survive in the falling water. The water rushes down indefinitely and has such a strong force that it could shatter boats on impact.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to a happy medium. We are all social beings. Finding your own path and following it, especially in difficult times, staying true to yourself is certainly important in order to be able to look yourself in the mirror day after day and also to be able to develop and grow. But walking this path in a mindful, non-judgemental and open attitude helps us to remain considerate. In this way, we can continue to see other needs without submitting or surrendering to them. In this way, we remain true to our values and will find a solution together with the people around us.

To stay with the image of the river, it is as if rivers flow together and then separate again. Every river has its own riverbed, but occasionally they cross.

I would modify the saying and add:

„Where the way is hardest, there go thou; go your own way meanwhile listen to people, when they talk about you. Reflect on what you have heard and adapt your chosen path, if it makes sense to you, without completely abandoning or giving up on your path.“

Of meaningfull importance for learning and improvement: Reflection

“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.” – Margaret J. Wheatley

This quote of Margaret J. Whealtey is fantastic as it brings it to the point. To learn from others around you, your circumstances your are in and from your self to become your better self reflection is more than important and needed.

But how reflection could be easy mastered in the full days we are facing with. Here are some thoughts and tipps for this:

Helpfull is to go through these four steps, which you can see in the picture:

1. Step: Observe

the situation in a retrospective or during the situation from the metaperspective

2. Step: Reflect

with the following questions:

a. What?

This question focus on the past. (e.g., What in detail had happened? What are the facts?)

b. So what?

This question focus on the present (e.g., What I have learned? What is my conclusion?

c. Now what?

This question focus on the future. (e.g., What I will change or retain in the future? What direction I will follow?)

3. Step: Plan

the steps and think in small nuggets (KISS = Keep it short and simple) which is really feasible. To make it easy you can follow these Acronyms:

4. Step: Act

following your plan. This is the most difficult step as the new way of interaction is new and unusual to this. The first times it will feel foreign and perhaps a bit threatening. It is like jumping the first time from three-meter diving tower. During the jump you sometimes regret it to have been jumped. But when you have landed save down in the water, you feel proud and happy.

For your reflection you need:

Time and space
A good environment with a positive atmosphere
Emotional supportive environment

Methodology „H-O-E-R“ to turn exception into daily behaviour

„H-O-E-R“ is an acronym and stands for deep listening a method of coaching, which is also helpful for systemic leaders or for self coaching. If you use it for self-coaching, replace employee through yourself.

H stands for hearing out to the exception (s)

O stands for make it more open / expand it. Ask the employee what is the positive exception to the challenge or problem. Ask the employee when and how the exception appear or what happened during or before the exception and which role the employee had.

E is empowerment and strengthen the employee stronger the success and own power. The main part of the leader is to observe and recognize. When the positive exception to the challenges happened, and give the employee natural compliments when the leader observes that the obstacles could be overcome.

R is to go back and reflect, through questioning the employee, what changed in a more positive way through the exception. The question is: „What else?“

This methodology is origin from Peter De Jong and Insoo Kim Berg from the book „Interviewing for solution“.