Positive Psychologie – Seite 4

The Resilience of the Human Spirit: A Reflection on Identity and Freedom

Today’s quote comes from Wilhelmine von Hillern: “What we have, we can lose, but never what we are.”

Material possessions are fleeting, but our inner selves, our souls, and our character cannot be taken away. This reminds me of a folk song that my mother, who passed away on November 19, 2021 with 88 years, often quoted and taught us. The first stanza goes: “Thoughts are free! Who can guess them? They flee like shadows of the night. No one can know them, no hunter can shoot them; it remains true: Thoughts are free!” She was a child during World War II and learned how crucial it is to perceive one’s thoughts as free.

No one can truly know who we are, what we think, or how we feel. Communication experts may claim they can interpret body language, but just as often as they are right, they are also wrong. No matter how well one believes they know someone, they can never fully grasp their thoughts, feelings, or reactions, as we have a free will. We often compare others to ourselves, thinking we can empathize with their situations. However, this only works to a limited extent because our essence and our patterns of interpretation and attitude are shaped by our experiences. This means that our past has made us who we are today, making each of us special and unique.

The valleys we have traversed and the peaks we have reached in our lives shape us into the wonderful people we are. In my opinion, the art lies in preserving our curiosity, hope, and the core of our character, even through the trials we face—whether they be valleys or deserts that life may bring. These challenges, which we endure without losing our character or sense of self, ultimately strengthen us.

This reminds me of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who was executed as a resistance fighter in a concentration camp in 1945 during World War II. In all of his writings, it is clear that he retained his inner self, his character, and his hope. They took everything from him, even his freedom and ultimately his life, but they could not take away what he was and what he thought. One of the most powerful lines for me is this: “In good powers wonderfully sheltered, we calmly await whatever may come. God is with us in the evening and in the morning, and certainly on each new day.” He wrote this in December 1944, just before his execution. Dietrich Bonhoeffer: Bonhoeffer-Gedicht – Nationalsozialismus – Geschichte – Planet Wissen (planet-wissen.de)

It is irrelevant whether one is religious; what matters is that he remained true to himself and did not allow himself to be broken. Bonhoeffer would not permit anyone to take away his inner self, his thoughts, or his identity. Perhaps we should learn from him to overcome hurdles and obstacles in our lives.

Embracing the Spirit of Clare of Assisi: A Call to Courage and Commitment

Today’s quote comes from Clare of Assisi: “What you hold on to, hold on to. What you do, do, and do not grow weary.”

This quote should be considered in light of the century and the person of Clare of Assisi. Clare lived in the early 13th century. Against her noble family’s wishes, she renounced wealth to found her own women’s order of the Franciscans, introducing a new rule of life centered on perfect poverty.https://franziskaner.net/klara-biografie/

This is not about material matters but rather about ideas, personal beliefs, and visions that one develops and believes in. For me, this quote emphasizes the importance of persevering and holding on to one’s ideas and sense of purpose in life. In my view, the meaning of life is to make the world a better place and to see others as they are, in all their facets and greatness. Each of us is unique and can use our individual experiences, abilities, and personalities to improve the world.

Clare of Assisi shed everything that supported the ego—money, power, influence, and status—to live in poverty in accordance with her values. She provided faithful women in need with a home. Through her vision, she made the world a better place for many women of her time. Women who were impoverished in the early 13th century could have become serfs. While they lived in poverty, which they would have done anyway, they were at least not abused and exploited.

Certainly, it was not easy for Clare of Assisi to found this order against her family’s wishes and to give up all her previous luxuries. Yet she held on to her idea and did not grow weary in fighting for recognition and even support from the Pope.

We should take her as an example in courage and comittment and hold on to our ideas and visions, believe in ourselves, and continue steadfastly, no matter who throws stones in our path or how large they are. Don’t let yourself be intimidated, follow your own sense of life.

Stay true to yourself and believe in your purpose. Gather all your courage and commit to it, it’s worth it.

Fraternity more relevant than ever

Today’s quote comes from Martin Luther King: ‘We must either learn to live together as brothers or perish as fools.’

Martin Luther King is referring here to brotherhood / fraternity among humans, a term that comes from the French Revolution and was called together with liberty and equality (‘Liberté’ – ègalité – fraternité). It means that every individual is equal no matter who he / she is or what he / she is. Everyone has the same human dignity and should be treated equally. Fraternity is even mentioned in the EU’s human rights declarations. So it is still relevant.

In my experience, topics need to be held on to if they are not yet anchored in the subconscious, if they still need to be ‘learnt’. It’s like learning vocabulary. You write down the vocabulary that you haven’t yet mastered. We rarely include the ones we can already use in our learning schedule, because we can already use them.

Fraternity or brotherhood has not yet been fully realised. But that is exactly what we need, to be less selfish, more altruistic and to consider what consequences our behaviour has on others. To ask ourselves:

‘What is the real reason for my actions?’
‘Have I considered all aspects?’
‘What perspective am I still missing?’
‘How would the person/people in question act?’
‘Which of my statements or behaviour has contributed to my counterpart behaving this way?’
‘If I were in their situation, how would I behave?’

These and similar questions help us to change our own perspective and understand the situation from a different angle than our own. Such holistic approaches have several advantages. The ones that come to my mind immediately are

Your own empathy increases
Emotional intelligence is trained
Your own behaviour is balanced
Life is enriched through new aspects

These aspects lead to becoming a better self. It opens one’s own eyes and reduces the need to behave and react in a foolish and self-centred way.

What are your suggestions to live the fraternity mindset?

Let the problem go

Today’s quote comes from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: ‘Solving a problem means detaching yourself from the problem.’

The word problem only became popular in the 16th century. It comes from the Latin word problēma. It is an undecided, doubtful task presented for solution, a question of dispute and is borrowed from the Greek πρόβλημα ‘task, question’. It also means the topic is ‘questionable, doubtful, uncertain, undecided’ and therefore leads to pondering.

According to Goethe, a problem can only be solved if you distance yourself from the problem and no longer consider it centrally, but detach yourself from it.

That makes sense to me, because if you remain stuck in the problem, you start to brood and possibly look for blame, usually on yourself. This leads to thoughts such as:

‘If I had behaved differently, would the problem not have occurred?’
‘Why did this have to happen?’

You start to find a cause in the past that, if found, you can’t fix anyway. The past has been. It has led me to the present. Seeking the cause or the culprit, provided it’s not a criminal matter, seems pointless as it does not alter the current situation. So the best thing to do is to detach yourself from the problem and survive:

‘What can I do now to build a sustainable and positive future from the present?’
‘How can I enjoy the present despite the problem that needs to be solved?’
‘How can I build oases in which the sun shines for me, despite the shadows or dark clouds of the problem?’

The beauty lies in the fact that shadows shift with the changing light, and clouds are dispersed by the wind. Rest assured, the world continues to transform, even as you only reflect.

On the other hand, it’s important to consider and reflect on the problem and its causes, without assigning blame. I can only change the problem in the long term if I am prepared to look clearly at my behaviour in the past, analyse it and consider what I would like to do differently in the future. In other words, ask the question

‘What have I learnt that I would like to do differently now (in the present)?’
‘How can I emerge stronger from the problem so that I can look back with pride?’
‘What does the new, more developed me look like?’

Problems can be resolved by analyzing them objectively and drawing necessary conclusions for one’s behavior and attitudes. However, it is essential to then release the problem and concentrate on the present.

These three steps

1. recognise the problem

2. self-reflection and sober analysis of your own behaviour with the resulting maxim for change

3. let go of the problem so that it can be solved.

What do you think?

Harmony, an act of kindness?

Today’s quote comes from K. Pattabbi Jois: ‘Everyone can practise yoga as long as they can breathe.’

I would like to look at this quote in a figurative sense. The origin of the word yoga lies in Indian Sanskrit and can be translated as ‘unity, harmony’. Yoga harmonises body, mind and soul. This creates unity and connectedness, as well as a stronger awareness.

Achieving harmony within oneself is thus the aim of yoga. Harmony can be attained by understanding oneself, recognizing personal values, and acknowledging that every person has equal worth as a human being, regardless of any other factors. Each of us is unique and irreplaceable. The art lies in recognizing this and reaffirming it time and again. No matter the setbacks and twists of fate one encounters, no matter how often one must traverse valleys or deserts, the crucial thing is to never lose hope of discovering an oasis in the desert or reaching the mountain peak once more.

Your worth as a human being is constant, no matter the situation you’re in. My grandmother would say, ‚The sun will shine on your bread roll once more.‘ Pursuing and cultivating harmony in life is a lifelong endeavour. A glance at nature suffices to see this; life there is generally harmonious within a healthy ecosystem. External factors can disrupt this harmony, but if left to its own devices, nature will naturally regain balance. However, if it’s severely disrupted, a bit of assistance may be required to restore harmony.

Individuals can extend support to one another, fostering harmony and living harmoniously. This act of kindness is not bound by age.

Why pre-thining is better than direct acting

Today’s quote comes from Lao Tzu: „Doing nothing is better than doing nothing with a lot of effort.“

That’s an interesting quote. In other words, according to Lao Tzu, it is better to lay your hands in your lap than to try to achieve something without success and without a goal.

My interpretation of the quote is that effort alone is not enough if the goal and focus are not defined. You also need skills and abilities to create, i.e. knowledge of what to do or how to do something. You also need a vision – what do you want to achieve? What should be better, different later?

Effort alone is not enough if the project is aimless, lacks resources or knowledge, has not been thought through or planned for. Whilst effort is an important ingredient for success, as the German proverb says: „No pain, no gain“, it only becomes a success factor if the other ingredients, such as knowledge, goal and plan, as well as the necessary resources are planned for.

In this respect, doing nothing is better than simply getting started. Doing nothing has another advantage, as it allows new thoughts and ideas to emerge. They lead to making targeted plans and implementing them step by step in a focussed manner. By doing nothing, you can invest the time to find a plan, develop a vision, acquire the necessary knowledge and then find the resources to turn the idea into reality.

Defeat is the source of success

Today’s quote comes from Danny DeVito: ‘The best are not afraid of defeat. It’s part of success.’

That sounds paradoxical when you first read it. Isn’t defeat to be equated with failure?

In fact, many people would think that defeat is a failure. In the short term this may be true, but in the long term I think it’s a fallacy.

Here are my reasons why defeat is the cause of success:

1. Without a defeat, you stick to the old and familiar behaviour. After all, your previous behaviour has proved you right, because it has led to your current success. Defeat gives you the opportunity to rethink your behaviour, to learn and to develop further.

2. Defeats open up the opportunity to discover something unexpected. My great-uncle, for example, was taken prisoner by the French during the Second World War. It was a defeat in the truest sense of the word. During his captivity, he met his future wife and became the owner of a large farm, became mayor of the town and had four children. He died happily in France.

3. Defeats also give you the motivation to improve and not to experience such a similar defeat again.

There are certainly other positive aspects that arise from a defeat. If something positive has come out of a defeat for you, I would be delighted to hear your comments.

Your thoughts influence your happiness

The quote for today’s article comes from Mary Shelley: Live, be happy, and make others happy.

Barbara Frederickson is a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina. In her book „The Power of Good Feelings“, she lists six facts about having a positive attitude. (Die Macht der guten Gefühle: Wie eine positive Haltung Ihr Leben dauerhaft verändert von Barbara Frederickson; Campus-Verlag, page 21-25)

A good feeling arises from a positive attitude
Thinking is changed by a positive attitude because it changes the perspective on situations
Your own future is changed by a positive attitude. A positive attitude improves sleep, reactions become more sensitive, one’s own perspective is more optimistic and one becomes more resilient, and relationships with family, friends and colleagues improve and intensify.
A positive attitude can regulate negative situations, for example, a person with a positive attitude will experience a lower rise in blood pressure in a negative situation. This does not mean seeing everything in a positive light, but rather finding solutions more quickly, as there is no need to get caught up in negative emotions.
The law of tipping points is the basis of a positive attitude. Small factors often determine the direction in which we interpret a situation. People with a positive basic attitude value and see positive elements in their lives more than people with a negative basic attitude. They see the sunrise, the first flowers in the morning, the smile of the person opposite, the pleasant weather, etc. As a result, all other situations are interpreted and evaluated differently.
You understand that your feelings are influenced by your thoughts. Your positive attitude can increase accordingly. Realising the full potential of your life is ultimately within your own power. This includes an internal locus of control and a strong growth mindset.

If you look at the factors for a positive basic attitude, it is easier to make others happy if you have a positive basic attitude yourself. By making others happy, you become happy yourself, because with a positive attitude you are sensitive enough to recognise this. Happiness, like smiling, is contagious and leads to a freer and more relaxed life, as well as actually influencing your future positively.

Life is like handling with roses

The quote for this article comes from Arabia: „Do not be angry that the rose bush bears thorns, but rejoice that the rose bush bears roses.“

Looking for the positive no matter what is happening is certainly helpful to avoid falling into a hole and spiralling downwards. However, constant positivity can be just as toxic. The consequences of positive toxicity are:

A false sense of security is created
Negative emotions, which are just as important as positive emotions as they can warn of danger, accelerate reactions and thus contribute to protection, are suppressed and minimised.
False hope and belief arise when you only want to see the positive, which can slow you down or make you unable to act.
Positive statements can make the other person feel even worse
Order is feigned, even though countermeasures are necessary

Positive toxicity can make you „blind“ to the essentials and fields of action that you can only recognise if you look.

It’s like a rose bush. When I cut roses to put them in a vase, I have a close look at the stem of the rose and remove the thorns first. That way I prevent any further consequences, namely pricking myself. Then I place it in the vase and enjoy the fragrance and the splendour of the flowers. Like this, we have to see and observe the negativity which happens in our lives. Then we have to think how we can get over this hurdle in our live. After and while we follow our path through the storm, we focus on the chance the hurdle we bring us and see the positive part of the moment (mindfulness).

Just like roses, life includes injuries and negative emotions that arise from thorns, but also seeing the beauty and opportunities of life, just like the blossom on the rose. Life has these two sides, and both negative and positive have their justification. Life is colourful. If we were only positive, we would certainly become accustomed to it at some point and no longer notice it. Let’s enjoy the shades and put both the positive and negative sides into perspective.

Moving out of comfort zone is admirable

The quote for today’s article comes from Seneca: „He who attempts great things is admirable, even if he falls.“

I can only agree with this quote. For several reasons, in my opinion:

You can learn from every venture, even if the goal you set at the beginning was not achieved
Your wealth of experience has grown
If you take the time to reflect, you can overcome the hurdles better next time
Your decisions become more stable as you can better recognise a possible case
Your own resilience increases, and you learn to deal with adversity more calmly
Your own self-confidence and self-awareness increases when you reflect on what has happened
You learn that stepping out of your comfort zone is enriching

Leaving the comfort zone is not easy at all.

The comfort zone is derived from the Yerkes-Dodson law (after Robert Yerkes and John D. Dodson, 1908) and was taken up by the psychiatrist Judith Bardwick.

The comfort zones consist of four areas.

In the comfort zone we feel safe and it is controllable
The next zone is the fear zone. In this zone, we look for excuses, seek counter-arguments or don’t trust ourselves due to low self-confidence.
Then comes the learning zone. This is where we acquire knowledge, face challenges, change our mindset and tackle problems
The last stage is the growth zone. Once you reach this zone, you find your purpose, live your dreams, set yourself goals, follow your own opinion/path and you will be even happier. In this zone, you need a growth mindset and usually have an internal locus of control.

Moving out of the comfort zone means courage on one side and more happiness and less fear on the other side.

How are you deciding?