Food for thoughts – Seite 3 – Content that influenced my way of thinking

Orientation in the jungle of the finance and insurance market

The financial and insurance market is a field of its own, and nowadays you have to be an expert in it. That’s why many people look for an external expert to give them a honest recommendation tailored to their needs and goals. Unfortunately, however, there are also advisors in this field who are more interested in a high acquisition premium than long-term customer support and care.

The interesting thing is that we are all a little biased as the finance and insurance market is often seen as a domain for men and not women. There are only 6% women in senior positions in the finance industry. Women are paid 23% less than men, the normal difference is 18% as measured in 2020 by the Federal Office Germany (Ist die Finanzbranche bis heute eine Männerdomäne? I Plutos). That’s why I think we can make a difference and find a female financial and insurance advisor.

In my past, I had a few male financial and insurance advisors, who gave me advice, which I followed. But in the end it was more for their benefit and nobody was interested in a long-term collaboration, as I realised after signing the contract. I now worked with a female financial and insurance advisor Ann-Kathrin Pögl and her behaviour was completely different. She first tried to understand my goals and my overall financial situation and then made suggestions. When I had questions after I signed my contract, she was still patient and continues to help me beyond that. She continues to support me in all matters even after the contract has been signed and helps me to find solutions or revisits the existing insurance contracts with me. She is always looking for better personalised options for me and my family. I have been working with her for almost 3 years and I am delighted with her honesty and balanced advice. I can only recommend her.

Maybe it’s time to overcome your bias and turn to a female financial advisor like Ann-Kathrin Pögl .

New Year: Focus on personal, character development

The new year is in the starting blocks and awaits us with many surprises and changes in our lives.

This is the time of the year when new goals are set, which are usually out of the question after a few weeks. This may be why younger people are more likely to make New Year’s resolutions. Statistically, 31% of 18-24 year olds set goals and resolutions for the New Year. 80% of the over 55s do not set any new goals or resolutions for the New Year. (Statista)

One reason for this may be that they have learned that New Year’s resolutions are often not stable and do not last in everyday life.

Instead of setting resolutions or goals, use New Year’s Day to reflect on what went really well in the past year and where you are in the present. What have you learnt? What was good this year?

Even if 2023 had some bad surprises in store for you, it also had good aspects to discover and focus on. We can all be grateful that we can end this year by focusing on the present and our own personal development. Instead of thinking about new resolutions, think about your behaviour and remember the times in the year that is drawing to a close, when you had the opportunity to learn and process your learning areas in order to become aware of your own development path. I am not referring to your professional development, but to your personal, character development.

For example, I learned that my family gives me strength and helps me to be resilient. I have been able to see for myself the impact of micro-politics and the importance of networks and real personal interactions. I am grateful to Springer Gabler for publishing my book. In this book, I was able to contribute my knowledge, which has helped and support me to develop myself further. What have you learnt, and what are you grateful for?

VUCA way of communication

The acronym VUCA was coined by Warren Bennis and Burt Nanus in 1998. VUCA stands for volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity. My book „Erfolgreich Gespräche im Berufsalltag führen; Der Einfluss von Haltung, Deutungsmustern und Unterbewusstsein auf Gesprächssituationen“ (access 2007) shows how we can adapt out communication towards the VUCA world.

The traditional thinking of the SSEE world in communication should be changed it to a more VUCA style. SSEE stands for Stable, Secure, Easy and Explicit. Here is an overview of the changes in communication due to the easy acquisition of knowledge accessible for everyone and the rapid obsolescence of knowledge:

S.Voss Erfolgreich Gespräche im Berufsalltag führen Der Einfluss von Haltung, Deutungsmustern und Unterbewusstsein auf Gesprächssituationen 2023. XIII, 301 S. 31 Abb. Brosch. € (D) 49,99 | € (A) 51,39 | CHF 55.50 978-3-662-67787-2 € 39,99 | CHF 44.00 978-3-662-67788-9 (eBook)

Self-reflection is not only important at the end of the year

In many cultures, we are used to reflecting on the past year and making promises to ourselves for the coming year. This is something we often do too little of in our everyday lives. Without regular, everyday reflection, it is difficult to learn and change behaviours that are needed for the now and are not based on past success.

The lack of reflection can be caused by the following:
– Daily stress
– Fear of discovering blind spots or letting the repressed come alive
– Sudden circumstances that intervene
– Inability to be honest

Our interpretation is unique because we construct it based on past experiences. Therefore, the following reflection questions can help us learn from observation:

What were the three most important moments/situations in the conversation that just took place?
Which reactions of the dialogue partner were surprising and were not addressed? What triggered this behaviour/reaction?
What would have been an even more successful course of the conversation?
What behaviour would have made the conversation even more successful? How can I get there next time?

In order to actually be able to answer these reflection questions, it makes the most sense to do this directly after the interview. Reflection cannot be done on the side, but it is important to stop and think. Only when you stop and reflect on what has happened can you understand and change your interpretation of the situation. Because our interpretation causes our feelings, and our feelings lead to our actions and beliefs. If reflection is postponed until later, the nuances of the conversation are weakened by your own construct.

Make reflecting on your behaviour and conversation to your routine, and don’t just limit it to the turn of the year.

If you want to read more, see my book side 274 following: S.Voss Erfolgreich Gespräche im Berufsalltag führen Der Einfluss von Haltung, Deutungsmustern und Unterbewusstsein auf Gesprächssituationen 2023. XIII, 301 S. 31 Abb. Brosch. € (D) 49,99 | € (A) 51,39 | CHF 55.50 978-3-662-67787-2 € 39,99 | CHF 44.00 978-3-662-67788-9 (eBook)

Positive feelings: The result of questions

Feelings are the result of emotions. Positive feelings are a result of our thinking. According to Barbara Fredrickson, everyone can enable positive feelings through self-exploration:

Happiness: what observation would make me happy under different circumstances?
Gratitude: What can I be grateful for in this situation? What have I learned and what will I be grateful for in the future?
Cheerfulness: How can I change the context so that it cheers me up? What elements would I enjoy under different circumstances?
Interest: What was unexpected, what made me curious and what would I like to understand better?
Hope: What can I change to make a difference next time? What can I do to make it more fun?
Pride: What was I proud of in this situation? Which skills did I use best? What thought patterns got me this far?
Pleasure: What could I have laughed at because it came as such a surprise?
Inspiration: What behaviour, what message from my conversation partner did I find inspiring?
Awe: What was so fascinating, wonderful, and heart-warming and made a deep impression on me? What is the big picture that is different from normality?
Love: Was there a moment when all the above feelings came together?

This is challenging in many situations, but it helps us to build resilience. Practicing this promotes positive feelings, which lead to positive thinking, which leads to behaviour change.

In the long term, such thinking will transform challenging and static thinking patterns and beliefs into a growth mindset and positive thinking, and appropriate, empowering behaviour.

Give it a try!

For more information, read my book from side 114 forward:

Erfolgreich Gespräche im Berufsalltag führen:
Der Einfluss von Haltung, Deutungsmustern und Unterbewusstsein auf Gesprächssituationen
| SpringerLink

Listening and silence are crucial for our conversation

We all assume that we are great listeners. Are we really one? No-one can prove it at the end, as the interpretation and assumptions of what was heard are maily not equal with the interpretation and assumptions of the speaker. To reduce this gap as much as posible, try the method ATTENTIVE listening.

ATTENTIVE listening:

Accept that multitasking is not possible, focus on listening only and follow the conversational flow.
Teaching and instructing do not go well with attentive listening, they belong in schools and courtrooms.
To ask questions as openly as possible is crucial, but don´t over prepare the conversation through question list. Questions are normally coming naturally.
Even repetition, paraphrasing and duplications should be avoided.
Not knowing and admitting it helps the conversation flow.
To the point and short should be your own statements.
Individual are our emotions which means they are free from any comparison and judgement and none of us would have in the same situation same emotions.
Very important is, that reproduction of rumors, word of mouth or hearsay does not belong to attentive listening.
Empathy and equality is the basis of a successful attentive conversation.

Are you curious to read more about the importancy of good listening skills, read my bock chapter „4.3 Zuhören und Stille ermöglichen, bewusst zu denken” reference page 143 following.

Almost 1000 accesses to my book: “Erfolgreich Gespräche im Berufsalltag führen“

Looking back on the time I spent writing the book, it took me a lot of patience to validate and substantiate the contents of the book. It was worth it because the research was very interesting and fruitful as I found wonderful studies and literature that supported my approach and scientifically proved its practicality. The approach developed for the company could not be fully based on valid literature at the time, as I had only two months to develop it for the company, so I researched to find sound studies for the book’s content. The proven and validated content showed me that the dialogue approach was thought provoking and can change in a more human way the conversation in business and beyond.

The book I have written builds on most of the available communication books I have now read and will take the reader to a more advanced level of communication. It is less about recipes on how to convince people of your opinion. Even one part of the book is about how the reader can detect such recipes that are designed to get other people to do something for the person (manipulation). My book is much more about having an honest conversation. This is not just about being honest about the content of the conversation, but also about being honest with yourself in order to uncover the thought patterns and subconscious of the other person(s) and to become aware of your own. This approach allows us to meet each other as people rather than as roles or functions.

Our autonomic nervous system influences thoughts and feelings

Deb Dana and Deb Grant develop a model to illustrate the connection between emotion, thoughts (Psychology) and the effect of the autonomeous nervus system (Biology). (source: The Polyvagal PlayLab: Helping Therapists Bring Polyvagal Theory to Their Clients)

Deb Dana and Deb Grant This “ladder-model“ is build on Stephen Porges “Polyvagal Theory”. The three aspects emotion, thoughts and autonomeous nerveoussystem influence each other and are dependent from each other. By understanding these dependencies, actions can be derived that calm the autonomic nervous system and enable us to develop more lighter and uplifting thoughts and emotions.

The “ladder mapping” divided our modes into three phases:

Darkness:

Feelings that prevail for example: blurred, hopeless, loss of focus, numb, cold, hopeless, closed, helpless
Thoughts are for example: I am… invisible, lonely, lost, unlovable and the world around me is… cold, hostile, dark
From the autonomic nervous system the dorsal-vagal nervous system is active. Which leads to immobilization and freezing / stagnation. Through this the person can collapse.

Chaos

Feelings predominate for example: it is out of control, overwhelming, confusing, full of anger, confronting and the desire to run away
Thoughts that arise are for example: I am… different, crazy, unacceptable
The autonomic nervous system is the sympathetic nervous system. This has a mobilizing effect, creating a readiness to fight and curse

Balance

Feelings that prevail are for example: connected, warm-hearted, open, curious, committed, passionate, relaxed
Thoughts are: I am … okay and the world around me is full of possibilities and enriching
The active autonomeous nerves system is the ventral vagal part / smart vagus, which enables security and social interaction.

These three phases have parallels to the griefing / change phase according to Kübler Ross (source: change curve), There are five phases described:

Shock and denial, which is paralell to the „darkness-ladder“
Anger is equal to the „chaos-ladder“
Bargaining is between „Chaos-“ and „Balance-ladder“
Depression: Is going back to „Darkness-ladder“
Acceptance: at the end is the „Balanced ladder“

Tip to overcome better the „darkness-“ and „chaos ladder“:

The SMART vagus is activated in empathic conversations, which is why psychotherapy and coaching are very powerful. Whereby personal contact with people, in reallity and not virtually, is important for the unconciousness to „co-regulate“ and create the neurozeption. Neuroception activated the SMART vagus and stop the dorsal vagus and sympathikus. This happens only optimal when conversational partner meat real (not virtual) conversation, as this was learnd from the unconciousness through evolutrion. This happens through the autonomic nervous system (unconciousness), which scans constantly the environments and registers external stimuli. A positive facial expression, a friendly smile, people who take their time and do nothing but listen, a calm and relaxed voice are necessary to bring the autonomic nervous system out of immobilization or fight or flight. Singing and deep breathing is also supportive, as it has a calming down effect.

If you find yourself on the ladder of darkness or chaos, then seek a personal conversation with a person who is sympathetic to you and accepts and respects you as an individual, this will calm your autonomic nervous system.

Causes of gullibility

Who doesn’t know the rumor mill? Rumors and erroneous or even distorted statements last a long time and stick to the people at the center of the „gossip“ like tar.

A study by Ecker et al. in 2022 got to the bottom of „the psychological drivers of misinformation belief and its resistance to correction“. The researchers found that two factors play a role in gullibility. These are:

Cognitive factors, which differ as follows:

Intuitions that arise from a low level of analysis
Cognitive inaccuracy due to not applying one’s own knowledge and ignoring counter-evidence, as well as not asking for valid sources
Illusions of truth created by the familiar atmosphere and interactions, as well as the coincidence with one’s own experiences

2. Social factors, which differs as follow

Credibility of groups. Hierarchically higher and elites are believed more, attractive people are rated as more credible and one’s own social affiliation plays a decisive role.
World views such as one’s own party or personal views are decisive here
Emotions, if a message is presented emotionally, it is believed more, and one’s own emotional state also plays a decisive role.

Tip:

Before investigating the rumours again and accepting what has been said as all too true, it is better to talk to the people who were involved. Listen to them and make up your own mind about the facts.

It is also important to recognise that higher hierarchies, celebrities or people of high status are as flawed and ‚fallible‘ as anyone else.

The psychological drivers of misinformation belief and its resistance to correction | Nature Reviews Psychology

Inhalt meines ersten, veröffentlichen Buches

Dieses Fachbuch stellt einen praxiserprobten Kommunikationsansatz vor, der an der eigenen Haltung, bestehenden Glaubensmustern und dem Bewusstsein der unbewussten und autonomen Vorgänge ansetzt.

Unbewusste biologische Vorgänge, psychologische und soziale Aspekte haben einen großen Einfluss auf den Gesprächserfolg und entscheiden teilweise sogar über das gesamte Miteinander. Gerade die Kommunikation im Arbeitsleben ist herausfordernd.

Durch verschiedene Ansätze und Prinzipien, die die eigene Kommunikationskompetenz fördern wie Achtsamkeit, persönliche Führung, Wissen über Vorurteile und Glaubenssätze, Vertrauen, Wertschätzung und emotionale Intelligenz kann Kommunikation auf Augenhöhe gelingen.

Der Gesprächspartner wird durch aufmerksames Zuhören und neugierige Fragen angeregt, eine eigene Lösung zu entwickeln und intrinsisch motiviert zu handeln. Durch die Anwendung der vorgestellten Prinzipien werden die Gespräche im beruflichen Kontext optimiert und das Miteinander verbessert, da die Gespräche zu einem lösungsorientierten Verhalten führen, dessen Ergebnisse nachhaltig umgesetzt werden.

Das Erproben und Anwenden der neuen Form der Kommunikation kann dazu beitragen, dass sich Organisationen „von innen heraus“ verändern und zu Lernenden-Organisationen entwickeln. Wiederkehrende Beispiele aus dem beruflichen Kontext geben hilfreiche Hinweise für die praktische Umsetzung.