August 2024 – Food for thoughts

Your thoughts influence your happiness

The quote for today’s article comes from Mary Shelley: Live, be happy, and make others happy.

Barbara Frederickson is a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina. In her book „The Power of Good Feelings“, she lists six facts about having a positive attitude. (Die Macht der guten Gefühle: Wie eine positive Haltung Ihr Leben dauerhaft verändert von Barbara Frederickson; Campus-Verlag, page 21-25)

A good feeling arises from a positive attitude
Thinking is changed by a positive attitude because it changes the perspective on situations
Your own future is changed by a positive attitude. A positive attitude improves sleep, reactions become more sensitive, one’s own perspective is more optimistic and one becomes more resilient, and relationships with family, friends and colleagues improve and intensify.
A positive attitude can regulate negative situations, for example, a person with a positive attitude will experience a lower rise in blood pressure in a negative situation. This does not mean seeing everything in a positive light, but rather finding solutions more quickly, as there is no need to get caught up in negative emotions.
The law of tipping points is the basis of a positive attitude. Small factors often determine the direction in which we interpret a situation. People with a positive basic attitude value and see positive elements in their lives more than people with a negative basic attitude. They see the sunrise, the first flowers in the morning, the smile of the person opposite, the pleasant weather, etc. As a result, all other situations are interpreted and evaluated differently.
You understand that your feelings are influenced by your thoughts. Your positive attitude can increase accordingly. Realising the full potential of your life is ultimately within your own power. This includes an internal locus of control and a strong growth mindset.

If you look at the factors for a positive basic attitude, it is easier to make others happy if you have a positive basic attitude yourself. By making others happy, you become happy yourself, because with a positive attitude you are sensitive enough to recognise this. Happiness, like smiling, is contagious and leads to a freer and more relaxed life, as well as actually influencing your future positively.

Life is like handling with roses

The quote for this article comes from Arabia: „Do not be angry that the rose bush bears thorns, but rejoice that the rose bush bears roses.“

Looking for the positive no matter what is happening is certainly helpful to avoid falling into a hole and spiralling downwards. However, constant positivity can be just as toxic. The consequences of positive toxicity are:

A false sense of security is created
Negative emotions, which are just as important as positive emotions as they can warn of danger, accelerate reactions and thus contribute to protection, are suppressed and minimised.
False hope and belief arise when you only want to see the positive, which can slow you down or make you unable to act.
Positive statements can make the other person feel even worse
Order is feigned, even though countermeasures are necessary

Positive toxicity can make you „blind“ to the essentials and fields of action that you can only recognise if you look.

It’s like a rose bush. When I cut roses to put them in a vase, I have a close look at the stem of the rose and remove the thorns first. That way I prevent any further consequences, namely pricking myself. Then I place it in the vase and enjoy the fragrance and the splendour of the flowers. Like this, we have to see and observe the negativity which happens in our lives. Then we have to think how we can get over this hurdle in our live. After and while we follow our path through the storm, we focus on the chance the hurdle we bring us and see the positive part of the moment (mindfulness).

Just like roses, life includes injuries and negative emotions that arise from thorns, but also seeing the beauty and opportunities of life, just like the blossom on the rose. Life has these two sides, and both negative and positive have their justification. Life is colourful. If we were only positive, we would certainly become accustomed to it at some point and no longer notice it. Let’s enjoy the shades and put both the positive and negative sides into perspective.

Moving out of comfort zone is admirable

The quote for today’s article comes from Seneca: „He who attempts great things is admirable, even if he falls.“

I can only agree with this quote. For several reasons, in my opinion:

You can learn from every venture, even if the goal you set at the beginning was not achieved
Your wealth of experience has grown
If you take the time to reflect, you can overcome the hurdles better next time
Your decisions become more stable as you can better recognise a possible case
Your own resilience increases, and you learn to deal with adversity more calmly
Your own self-confidence and self-awareness increases when you reflect on what has happened
You learn that stepping out of your comfort zone is enriching

Leaving the comfort zone is not easy at all.

The comfort zone is derived from the Yerkes-Dodson law (after Robert Yerkes and John D. Dodson, 1908) and was taken up by the psychiatrist Judith Bardwick.

The comfort zones consist of four areas.

In the comfort zone we feel safe and it is controllable
The next zone is the fear zone. In this zone, we look for excuses, seek counter-arguments or don’t trust ourselves due to low self-confidence.
Then comes the learning zone. This is where we acquire knowledge, face challenges, change our mindset and tackle problems
The last stage is the growth zone. Once you reach this zone, you find your purpose, live your dreams, set yourself goals, follow your own opinion/path and you will be even happier. In this zone, you need a growth mindset and usually have an internal locus of control.

Moving out of the comfort zone means courage on one side and more happiness and less fear on the other side.

How are you deciding?

Balance socialisation with individualisation

Today’s quote comes from Simone de Beauvoir: „Happiness consists in living like the whole world and yet being like no one else.“

The quote got me thinking. Does happiness really consist of being like the rest of the world? How can you still be unique then?

In the end, I came to the conclusion that there is a lot of truth in it. It’s easier to live like everyone else and in a way we have to, otherwise we can’t really get anywhere. Social life depends on being similar to the general public. There are certain rules, norms and values that we all have to adhere to so that social coexistence is possible. This can apply to a country as well as to smaller organisations, groups of friends or families.

Without similar values, mindsets and attitudes, actions and behaviours could diverge to such an extent that misunderstandings arise and ultimately work against each other, which would reduce recognition and appreciation. A common basis for behaviour and actions leads to a focus of energy and greater success.

Within these limits, however, it makes sense to live out one’s own individuality in order to feel satisfaction and happiness. This reminds me of Martin Seligman’s PERMA model. Martin Seligman researched why some people feel happier and more satisfied than others. He found that perceived happiness depends on five factors.

These have been summarised in the acronym PERMA and mean

P = Positive emotions

E = Engagement

R = Relationship

M = Meaning (Sense)

A = Accomplishment

Positive emotions arise when you can live out your personality and concentrate on the positive things. You can discover something positive every day, be it a small blossom or a carefree smile on a child’s face. Engaged action is binding and can be done in your own individual way. Good relationships with others arise when you are similar and yet uniquely individual. Discovering meaning in an action can only happen if you derive the meaning yourself and find it in your own individual way. Seeing success as accomplishment, recognising your own contribution to success, is the final aspect of feeling happiness and satisfaction.