Food for thoughts – Content that invites reflection

The Vital Role of Anger: Understanding and Harnessing Its Power

„Never act in haste out of anger – you have enough time.“ — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Anger is often viewed as a negative emotion. In professional settings, it is frowned upon, much like many other emotions. From my experience, joy is perhaps the only fundamental emotion that is somewhat acceptable in the workplace, although it is often expressed cautiously. According to Paul Ekman, the basic emotions include joy, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise, anger, and contempt. https://www.neverest.at/blog/7-grundemotionen-paul-ekman/

However, anger is anything but unnecessary. It is a crucial emotion that support us in following:

Indication of Injustice: Anger reveals that the person feels wronged and highlights injustices that need to be addressed.
Motivation for Change: Anger encourages us to step out of our comfort zones, set new boundaries, and advocate for ourselves actively.
Self-Protection: Anger helps us recognize underlying feelings and protects us from falling into a cycle of sadness or self-pity.
Enhanced Self-Reflection: Anger highlights where we have been hurt and prompts us to reflect on past experiences.
Catalyst for Communication: Anger drives us to discuss issues that have caused us pain. It often serves as a prompt to resolve conflicts or uncover misunderstandings.
Source of Energy: Unlike sadness, anger provides us with energy and strength, enabling us to tackle and overcome new challenges.
Emotional Processing: Anger aids in processing emotions, including fear and sadness, contributing to healing our wounds. https://www.geo.de/magazine/geo-kompakt/15270-rtkl-psychologie-heilsamer-zorn-ueber-die-wut-und-ihre-positiven

Like all emotions, anger holds significant and positive meaning. The key is to recognize anger and use it constructively. This emotion can serve as a catalyst for personal growth and even bring about a positive change in society.

Suppressing or denying anger is detrimental, as the aggressive energy it generates must go somewhere. If it is not expressed outwardly, it turns inward, potentially leading to depression or other psychosomatic disorders, according to scientists.

On the other hand, blind anger can be destructive. Emerson is not against anger; rather, he views it as a driving force that must be released gradually. It’s akin to a pressure cooker: when the contents (anger) boil, the pressure must be released slowly. If I were to open the lid suddenly, the contents would splatter against the walls and ceiling.

Treat anger like the process of opening a pressure cooker.

The Importance of Spending Time with Yourself: A Journey to Self-Love

„Spend some time with yourself every day.“ — Dalai Lama

This quote resonates deeply with me. Someone once told me that you are the most important person in your own life, a sentiment attributed to Martin Luther. Back in high school, I thought it sounded quite self-absorbed and even egocentric. During my university years, I frequently discussed a similar phrase with my roommates: „Love your neighbor as yourself“ (Mark 12:31). Some focused on „love your neighbor,“ but I believe the emphasis lies on „as yourself.“

To me, the crucial point is in that second part. You can only love another person as much as you have learned to love yourself. After all, where can love come from if you aren’t treating yourself with kindness? Is it possible that we confuse love with simply wanting to please others or feeling we must earn our partner’s affection? Only when we appreciate and accept ourselves as we truly are can we allow others to value us without needing any justification—just by being ourselves.

Achieving this self-acceptance and appreciation requires time for self-discovery. We need to understand how and why we react the way we do. Engaging with ourselves means looking into the darker aspects of our self and daring to reflect, even through discomfort.

A helpful concept for learning self-love is the Appreciation Pyramid by Prof. Dr. Reinhard Haller, which consists of seven levels:

Awareness: Ask yourself, „How am I feeling right now? What’s happening within me?“
Mindfulness: Focus on your thoughts. „Where are my thoughts? How can I bring them to the present moment, since only the now can be changed?“
Respect: Consider how you treat your soul and body. „Do I respect my own boundaries?“
Recognition: Reflect on your achievements. „What did I accomplish today? What went well?“
Appreciation: Think about your positive interactions. „How did I behave positively today? Where did I make a difference?“
Trust: This level is a natural outcome of the previous steps—trusting your abilities and knowing how to respond in different situations.
Self-love: This is the culmination of all the previous levels.

How can you reach all this states? The answer is simple: spend time with yourself.

The Resilience of the Human Spirit: A Reflection on Identity and Freedom

Today’s quote comes from Wilhelmine von Hillern: “What we have, we can lose, but never what we are.”

Material possessions are fleeting, but our inner selves, our souls, and our character cannot be taken away. This reminds me of a folk song that my mother, who passed away on November 19, 2021 with 88 years, often quoted and taught us. The first stanza goes: “Thoughts are free! Who can guess them? They flee like shadows of the night. No one can know them, no hunter can shoot them; it remains true: Thoughts are free!” She was a child during World War II and learned how crucial it is to perceive one’s thoughts as free.

No one can truly know who we are, what we think, or how we feel. Communication experts may claim they can interpret body language, but just as often as they are right, they are also wrong. No matter how well one believes they know someone, they can never fully grasp their thoughts, feelings, or reactions, as we have a free will. We often compare others to ourselves, thinking we can empathize with their situations. However, this only works to a limited extent because our essence and our patterns of interpretation and attitude are shaped by our experiences. This means that our past has made us who we are today, making each of us special and unique.

The valleys we have traversed and the peaks we have reached in our lives shape us into the wonderful people we are. In my opinion, the art lies in preserving our curiosity, hope, and the core of our character, even through the trials we face—whether they be valleys or deserts that life may bring. These challenges, which we endure without losing our character or sense of self, ultimately strengthen us.

This reminds me of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who was executed as a resistance fighter in a concentration camp in 1945 during World War II. In all of his writings, it is clear that he retained his inner self, his character, and his hope. They took everything from him, even his freedom and ultimately his life, but they could not take away what he was and what he thought. One of the most powerful lines for me is this: “In good powers wonderfully sheltered, we calmly await whatever may come. God is with us in the evening and in the morning, and certainly on each new day.” He wrote this in December 1944, just before his execution. Dietrich Bonhoeffer: Bonhoeffer-Gedicht – Nationalsozialismus – Geschichte – Planet Wissen (planet-wissen.de)

It is irrelevant whether one is religious; what matters is that he remained true to himself and did not allow himself to be broken. Bonhoeffer would not permit anyone to take away his inner self, his thoughts, or his identity. Perhaps we should learn from him to overcome hurdles and obstacles in our lives.

Be Your Authentic Self: The Courage to Stand Out

Today’s quote comes from Judy Garland: “Be a first-class version of yourself, not a second-class version of someone else.”

Being true to oneself is, in my opinion, one of the most important things in life. Yet, this can be a challenging endeavor. Our experiences shape us, and each of us interprets situations based on what we’ve learned and experienced—both passively and actively. These events define us.

For instance, you might have a twin who looks just like you, but the way you perceive the world and interpret events can be entirely different. Years later, discussing a shared experience can reveal how divergent your memories are, making it feel as though you were in completely different situations.

This uniqueness can make it difficult to be a first-class version of ourselves. When you’re truly being yourself, others might not understand you. They may struggle to empathize or recognize aspects of you that they themselves have never acknowledged.

In the business world, showing emotions or fully sharing your knowledge can sometimes trigger fear in others. A person who dares to be authentic may be seen as a threat, as they embrace their true selves rather than conforming to what others expect. This can create discomfort for those who suppress their own individuality to blend in with the crowd. If someone cannot or will not allow him/herself to be authentic, he/she may feel the need for others to stay away from the authentic person, otherwise they might recognise his/her own learning fields. The authetic person is otherwise a mirror where the unauthentic persons sees the own development fields. This is projection, which means, a „mental process by which people attribute to others what is in their own minds.“ (https://www.britannica.com/science/projection-psychology)

Being a first-class version of yourself requires courage, self-reflection, and the acceptance that you might not be universally liked and could be labeled as „different.“ The advantage is that you can look in the mirror every day and know that you are exactly who you are—human and yet unique.

Have the courage to be yourself. Diversity makes the world more colorful and lovable, not uniformity.

Embracing the Spirit of Clare of Assisi: A Call to Courage and Commitment

Today’s quote comes from Clare of Assisi: “What you hold on to, hold on to. What you do, do, and do not grow weary.”

This quote should be considered in light of the century and the person of Clare of Assisi. Clare lived in the early 13th century. Against her noble family’s wishes, she renounced wealth to found her own women’s order of the Franciscans, introducing a new rule of life centered on perfect poverty.https://franziskaner.net/klara-biografie/

This is not about material matters but rather about ideas, personal beliefs, and visions that one develops and believes in. For me, this quote emphasizes the importance of persevering and holding on to one’s ideas and sense of purpose in life. In my view, the meaning of life is to make the world a better place and to see others as they are, in all their facets and greatness. Each of us is unique and can use our individual experiences, abilities, and personalities to improve the world.

Clare of Assisi shed everything that supported the ego—money, power, influence, and status—to live in poverty in accordance with her values. She provided faithful women in need with a home. Through her vision, she made the world a better place for many women of her time. Women who were impoverished in the early 13th century could have become serfs. While they lived in poverty, which they would have done anyway, they were at least not abused and exploited.

Certainly, it was not easy for Clare of Assisi to found this order against her family’s wishes and to give up all her previous luxuries. Yet she held on to her idea and did not grow weary in fighting for recognition and even support from the Pope.

We should take her as an example in courage and comittment and hold on to our ideas and visions, believe in ourselves, and continue steadfastly, no matter who throws stones in our path or how large they are. Don’t let yourself be intimidated, follow your own sense of life.

Stay true to yourself and believe in your purpose. Gather all your courage and commit to it, it’s worth it.

In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity

Today’s quote comes from Albert Einstein. ‘In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity’.

The quote can be perplexing when you’re grappling with significant challenges and dreading potential future events, or when you’re in a phase where you feel utterly stuck, unable to see a way forward.

This is what Albert Einstein’s quote is about: shifting from a carousel of ‚what-ifs‘ to focusing on what’s achievable. It’s natural to dwell on possibilities and indulge in self-pity for a time, but eventually, we must move on to find the positives within our struggles.

Dwelling on possibilities and fears can paralyse the mind and soul, leading to stagnation. Like quicksand, self-pity can pull you down; to escape, you need a firm foundation.

Analogy 1: In the eye of a storm, there is tranquillity, and it is there that you can find the strength to emerge stronger from adversity.

Analogy 2: Muscle growth requires progressively increasing the weight, challenging the muscles. If the weight is too much, it’s sensible to reduce it gradually.

In other words, when difficulties seem overwhelming, it’s practical to tackle them one by one, eliminating them step by step. Often, others extend a helping hand, illuminating options without becoming directly involved.

Each of us has the power to illuminate the darkness for someone else by revealing possibilities. In the end, whether to embrace these opportunities is a decision that lies with the individual confronting the challenges.

It is a direction, not a destination.

Today’s quote from Carl R. Rogers is: „It is a direction, not a destination.“

Carl R. Rogers, the founder of person-centered counseling, believed that the client is at the center, emphasizing empathy with their world and acceptance of their standpoint. It’s not about interpreting or adopting a medical therapeutic viewpoint, but about fully engaging with the person. Solutions are crafted by the clients themselves through listening and a curious, non-demanding approach in conversation. This self-development of solutions leads to more enduring results and better outcomes, as the motivation originates from the clients.

This approach is encapsulated in the quote. Life offers a direction, not a fixed destination / goal. Destinations are known to shift over time. Even if one achieves a meticulously planned destination, it may not fulfill the initial anticipation. Moreover, achieving a destination / goal often leads to the creation of a new, sometimes radically different destination / goal. The journey towards a goal is fraught with unknowns that can never be completely anticipated. Despite this, setting a destination / goal is crucial, but it might be more beneficial to set a direction instead.

Setting a direction and not a destination maintains flexibility and wards off disappointment, as rigid destinations / goals can lead to disillusionment. Directions can adapt if circumstances change, such as an ill-timed moment or inadequate preparation.

Consider hiking: navigating a steep, rocky terrain during a downpour can be perilous; timing is key. Unlike destinations /fixed goals, directions can accommodate spontaneous changes and remain adaptable.

Which destination would have been a better direction for you? I would be happy to hear about your experiences.

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Today’s quote is from Winston Churchill: „If you’re going through hell, keep going.“

Churchill was the driving force behind Britain’s resistance during the Second World War. He symbolized perseverance and led the alliance between England, the USA, and the USSR. In his inaugural speech, he declared, „I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.“ As he surveyed the damage from German bombing raids, the resilient British people called out to him, „We can take it. Pay them back!“(Winston Churchill: Die Schlüsselfigur im Krieg gegen Hitler – [GEO]))

Churchill endured the trials of two world wars, actively participating rather than merely being present. Despite being an unloved son, he maintained self-belief. Confident in his destiny for greatness, he indeed achieved it, securing his legacy as one of Britain’s most eminent politicians. (Winston Churchill – Wikipedia)

The quote is indeed powerful. Hell is depicted as an unpleasant, scorching, dark, and likely solitary place, embodying all conceivable negatives. To not be swayed by this and to persevere demands considerable discipline, persistence, and a touch of obstinacy. Conversely, such conduct, I believe, is replete with hope and motivation. It demonstrates resilience and a robust, steadfast personality. Navigating through hell undeniably necessitates having a goal and a strategy. Adequate preparation would also be advantageous. Particularly when you feel ensnared in hell, it’s crucial to recognize your talents and skills and devise a strategy to escape swiftly.

To stop in hell is to burn up inside. Your only protection is to keep trying and to move on to the next goal with sincerity and a plan.

What advice would you offer to those enduring their own personal hell?

Equality a matter of mindset

My father, who died on 29 February 2024, often used today’s Latin quote of unknown origin. ‘Quod licet lovi, non licet bovi.’ Translated, this means: ‘What is licit to Jupiter is not licit to the ox.’

My father always used this quote when he did something that we were not allowed to do, e.g. having two desserts or driving without wearing a seatbelt.

Applied to the professional situation, some people also tend to think of themselves as Jupiter and people in a lower hierarchical position than the ‘bovis’. For example, a supervisor allows himself to work from abroad for several weeks while his employees have to come into the office. There are also companies where managers dine in a separate area and receive more exquisite meals, than hierarchical lower employees.

Even in everyday life, there are people who think they are better than others and elevate themselves to the status of ‘Iovi’. They push ahead, push others back or turn up their car radios at night and blast through the city, but would complain the other way round if the neighbours‘ children were louder.

Is such a quote still relevant today? In this day and age, you can become anything and quickly lose something or even everything. Does a self-proclaimed ‘Iovi’ always remain an ‘Iovi’ or can he/she quickly become a ‘bovi’ due to external changes and vice versa? Don’t we all need more humility and gratitude in our roles? Because many things can change very quickly, and then it would be wise, if we simply saw ourselves as human beings with the same value, the same rights and with the same emotions and needs.

Wouldn’t it be nicer to meet as equals and allow others to do what we allow ourselves to do?

What are your thoughts?

Fraternity more relevant than ever

Today’s quote comes from Martin Luther King: ‘We must either learn to live together as brothers or perish as fools.’

Martin Luther King is referring here to brotherhood / fraternity among humans, a term that comes from the French Revolution and was called together with liberty and equality (‘Liberté’ – ègalité – fraternité). It means that every individual is equal no matter who he / she is or what he / she is. Everyone has the same human dignity and should be treated equally. Fraternity is even mentioned in the EU’s human rights declarations. So it is still relevant.

In my experience, topics need to be held on to if they are not yet anchored in the subconscious, if they still need to be ‘learnt’. It’s like learning vocabulary. You write down the vocabulary that you haven’t yet mastered. We rarely include the ones we can already use in our learning schedule, because we can already use them.

Fraternity or brotherhood has not yet been fully realised. But that is exactly what we need, to be less selfish, more altruistic and to consider what consequences our behaviour has on others. To ask ourselves:

‘What is the real reason for my actions?’
‘Have I considered all aspects?’
‘What perspective am I still missing?’
‘How would the person/people in question act?’
‘Which of my statements or behaviour has contributed to my counterpart behaving this way?’
‘If I were in their situation, how would I behave?’

These and similar questions help us to change our own perspective and understand the situation from a different angle than our own. Such holistic approaches have several advantages. The ones that come to my mind immediately are

Your own empathy increases
Emotional intelligence is trained
Your own behaviour is balanced
Life is enriched through new aspects

These aspects lead to becoming a better self. It opens one’s own eyes and reduces the need to behave and react in a foolish and self-centred way.

What are your suggestions to live the fraternity mindset?