It is a direction, not a destination.

Today’s quote from Carl R. Rogers is: „It is a direction, not a destination.“

Carl R. Rogers, the founder of person-centered counseling, believed that the client is at the center, emphasizing empathy with their world and acceptance of their standpoint. It’s not about interpreting or adopting a medical therapeutic viewpoint, but about fully engaging with the person. Solutions are crafted by the clients themselves through listening and a curious, non-demanding approach in conversation. This self-development of solutions leads to more enduring results and better outcomes, as the motivation originates from the clients.

This approach is encapsulated in the quote. Life offers a direction, not a fixed destination / goal. Destinations are known to shift over time. Even if one achieves a meticulously planned destination, it may not fulfill the initial anticipation. Moreover, achieving a destination / goal often leads to the creation of a new, sometimes radically different destination / goal. The journey towards a goal is fraught with unknowns that can never be completely anticipated. Despite this, setting a destination / goal is crucial, but it might be more beneficial to set a direction instead.

Setting a direction and not a destination maintains flexibility and wards off disappointment, as rigid destinations / goals can lead to disillusionment. Directions can adapt if circumstances change, such as an ill-timed moment or inadequate preparation.

Consider hiking: navigating a steep, rocky terrain during a downpour can be perilous; timing is key. Unlike destinations /fixed goals, directions can accommodate spontaneous changes and remain adaptable.

Which destination would have been a better direction for you? I would be happy to hear about your experiences.

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Today’s quote is from Winston Churchill: „If you’re going through hell, keep going.“

Churchill was the driving force behind Britain’s resistance during the Second World War. He symbolized perseverance and led the alliance between England, the USA, and the USSR. In his inaugural speech, he declared, „I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.“ As he surveyed the damage from German bombing raids, the resilient British people called out to him, „We can take it. Pay them back!“(Winston Churchill: Die Schlüsselfigur im Krieg gegen Hitler – [GEO]))

Churchill endured the trials of two world wars, actively participating rather than merely being present. Despite being an unloved son, he maintained self-belief. Confident in his destiny for greatness, he indeed achieved it, securing his legacy as one of Britain’s most eminent politicians. (Winston Churchill – Wikipedia)

The quote is indeed powerful. Hell is depicted as an unpleasant, scorching, dark, and likely solitary place, embodying all conceivable negatives. To not be swayed by this and to persevere demands considerable discipline, persistence, and a touch of obstinacy. Conversely, such conduct, I believe, is replete with hope and motivation. It demonstrates resilience and a robust, steadfast personality. Navigating through hell undeniably necessitates having a goal and a strategy. Adequate preparation would also be advantageous. Particularly when you feel ensnared in hell, it’s crucial to recognize your talents and skills and devise a strategy to escape swiftly.

To stop in hell is to burn up inside. Your only protection is to keep trying and to move on to the next goal with sincerity and a plan.

What advice would you offer to those enduring their own personal hell?

Equality a matter of mindset

My father, who died on 29 February 2024, often used today’s Latin quote of unknown origin. ‘Quod licet lovi, non licet bovi.’ Translated, this means: ‘What is licit to Jupiter is not licit to the ox.’

My father always used this quote when he did something that we were not allowed to do, e.g. having two desserts or driving without wearing a seatbelt.

Applied to the professional situation, some people also tend to think of themselves as Jupiter and people in a lower hierarchical position than the ‘bovis’. For example, a supervisor allows himself to work from abroad for several weeks while his employees have to come into the office. There are also companies where managers dine in a separate area and receive more exquisite meals, than hierarchical lower employees.

Even in everyday life, there are people who think they are better than others and elevate themselves to the status of ‘Iovi’. They push ahead, push others back or turn up their car radios at night and blast through the city, but would complain the other way round if the neighbours‘ children were louder.

Is such a quote still relevant today? In this day and age, you can become anything and quickly lose something or even everything. Does a self-proclaimed ‘Iovi’ always remain an ‘Iovi’ or can he/she quickly become a ‘bovi’ due to external changes and vice versa? Don’t we all need more humility and gratitude in our roles? Because many things can change very quickly, and then it would be wise, if we simply saw ourselves as human beings with the same value, the same rights and with the same emotions and needs.

Wouldn’t it be nicer to meet as equals and allow others to do what we allow ourselves to do?

What are your thoughts?

Fraternity more relevant than ever

Today’s quote comes from Martin Luther King: ‘We must either learn to live together as brothers or perish as fools.’

Martin Luther King is referring here to brotherhood / fraternity among humans, a term that comes from the French Revolution and was called together with liberty and equality (‘Liberté’ – ègalité – fraternité). It means that every individual is equal no matter who he / she is or what he / she is. Everyone has the same human dignity and should be treated equally. Fraternity is even mentioned in the EU’s human rights declarations. So it is still relevant.

In my experience, topics need to be held on to if they are not yet anchored in the subconscious, if they still need to be ‘learnt’. It’s like learning vocabulary. You write down the vocabulary that you haven’t yet mastered. We rarely include the ones we can already use in our learning schedule, because we can already use them.

Fraternity or brotherhood has not yet been fully realised. But that is exactly what we need, to be less selfish, more altruistic and to consider what consequences our behaviour has on others. To ask ourselves:

  • ‘What is the real reason for my actions?’
  • ‘Have I considered all aspects?’
  • ‘What perspective am I still missing?’
  • ‘How would the person/people in question act?’
  • ‘Which of my statements or behaviour has contributed to my counterpart behaving this way?’
  • ‘If I were in their situation, how would I behave?’

These and similar questions help us to change our own perspective and understand the situation from a different angle than our own. Such holistic approaches have several advantages. The ones that come to my mind immediately are

  • Your own empathy increases
  • Emotional intelligence is trained
  • Your own behaviour is balanced
  • Life is enriched through new aspects

These aspects lead to becoming a better self. It opens one’s own eyes and reduces the need to behave and react in a foolish and self-centred way.

What are your suggestions to live the fraternity mindset?

Let the problem go

Today’s quote comes from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: ‘Solving a problem means detaching yourself from the problem.’

The word problem only became popular in the 16th century. It comes from the Latin word problēma. It is an undecided, doubtful task presented for solution, a question of dispute and is borrowed from the Greek πρόβλημα ‘task, question’. It also means the topic is ‘questionable, doubtful, uncertain, undecided’ and therefore leads to pondering.

According to Goethe, a problem can only be solved if you distance yourself from the problem and no longer consider it centrally, but detach yourself from it.

That makes sense to me, because if you remain stuck in the problem, you start to brood and possibly look for blame, usually on yourself. This leads to thoughts such as:

  • ‘If I had behaved differently, would the problem not have occurred?’

  • ‘Why did this have to happen?’

You start to find a cause in the past that, if found, you can’t fix anyway. The past has been. It has led me to the present. Seeking the cause or the culprit, provided it’s not a criminal matter, seems pointless as it does not alter the current situation. So the best thing to do is to detach yourself from the problem and survive:

  • ‘What can I do now to build a sustainable and positive future from the present?’

  • ‘How can I enjoy the present despite the problem that needs to be solved?’

  • ‘How can I build oases in which the sun shines for me, despite the shadows or dark clouds of the problem?’

The beauty lies in the fact that shadows shift with the changing light, and clouds are dispersed by the wind. Rest assured, the world continues to transform, even as you only reflect.

On the other hand, it’s important to consider and reflect on the problem and its causes, without assigning blame. I can only change the problem in the long term if I am prepared to look clearly at my behaviour in the past, analyse it and consider what I would like to do differently in the future. In other words, ask the question

  1. ‘What have I learnt that I would like to do differently now (in the present)?’

  2. ‘How can I emerge stronger from the problem so that I can look back with pride?’

  3. ‘What does the new, more developed me look like?’

Problems can be resolved by analyzing them objectively and drawing necessary conclusions for one’s behavior and attitudes. However, it is essential to then release the problem and concentrate on the present.

These three steps

1. recognise the problem

2. self-reflection and sober analysis of your own behaviour with the resulting maxim for change

3. let go of the problem so that it can be solved.

What do you think?

Harmony, an act of kindness?

Today’s quote comes from K. Pattabbi Jois: ‘Everyone can practise yoga as long as they can breathe.’

I would like to look at this quote in a figurative sense. The origin of the word yoga lies in Indian Sanskrit and can be translated as ‘unity, harmony’. Yoga harmonises body, mind and soul. This creates unity and connectedness, as well as a stronger awareness.

Achieving harmony within oneself is thus the aim of yoga. Harmony can be attained by understanding oneself, recognizing personal values, and acknowledging that every person has equal worth as a human being, regardless of any other factors. Each of us is unique and irreplaceable. The art lies in recognizing this and reaffirming it time and again. No matter the setbacks and twists of fate one encounters, no matter how often one must traverse valleys or deserts, the crucial thing is to never lose hope of discovering an oasis in the desert or reaching the mountain peak once more.

Your worth as a human being is constant, no matter the situation you’re in. My grandmother would say, ‚The sun will shine on your bread roll once more.‘ Pursuing and cultivating harmony in life is a lifelong endeavour. A glance at nature suffices to see this; life there is generally harmonious within a healthy ecosystem. External factors can disrupt this harmony, but if left to its own devices, nature will naturally regain balance. However, if it’s severely disrupted, a bit of assistance may be required to restore harmony.

Individuals can extend support to one another, fostering harmony and living harmoniously. This act of kindness is not bound by age.