Life is like handling with roses

The quote for this article comes from Arabia: „Do not be angry that the rose bush bears thorns, but rejoice that the rose bush bears roses.“

Looking for the positive no matter what is happening is certainly helpful to avoid falling into a hole and spiralling downwards. However, constant positivity can be just as toxic. The consequences of positive toxicity are:

  • A false sense of security is created
  • Negative emotions, which are just as important as positive emotions as they can warn of danger, accelerate reactions and thus contribute to protection, are suppressed and minimised.
  • False hope and belief arise when you only want to see the positive, which can slow you down or make you unable to act.
  • Positive statements can make the other person feel even worse
  • Order is feigned, even though countermeasures are necessary

Positive toxicity can make you „blind“ to the essentials and fields of action that you can only recognise if you look.

It’s like a rose bush. When I cut roses to put them in a vase, I have a close look at the stem of the rose and remove the thorns first. That way I prevent any further consequences, namely pricking myself. Then I place it in the vase and enjoy the fragrance and the splendour of the flowers. Like this, we have to see and observe the negativity which happens in our lives. Then we have to think how we can get over this hurdle in our live. After and while we follow our path through the storm, we focus on the chance the hurdle we bring us and see the positive part of the moment (mindfulness).

Just like roses, life includes injuries and negative emotions that arise from thorns, but also seeing the beauty and opportunities of life, just like the blossom on the rose. Life has these two sides, and both negative and positive have their justification. Life is colourful. If we were only positive, we would certainly become accustomed to it at some point and no longer notice it. Let’s enjoy the shades and put both the positive and negative sides into perspective.

Moving out of comfort zone is admirable

The quote for today’s article comes from Seneca: „He who attempts great things is admirable, even if he falls.“

I can only agree with this quote. For several reasons, in my opinion:

  • You can learn from every venture, even if the goal you set at the beginning was not achieved
  • Your wealth of experience has grown
  • If you take the time to reflect, you can overcome the hurdles better next time
  • Your decisions become more stable as you can better recognise a possible case
  • Your own resilience increases, and you learn to deal with adversity more calmly
  • Your own self-confidence and self-awareness increases when you reflect on what has happened
  • You learn that stepping out of your comfort zone is enriching

Leaving the comfort zone is not easy at all.

The comfort zone is derived from the Yerkes-Dodson law (after Robert Yerkes and John D. Dodson, 1908) and was taken up by the psychiatrist Judith Bardwick.

The comfort zones consist of four areas.

  1. In the comfort zone we feel safe and it is controllable
  2. The next zone is the fear zone. In this zone, we look for excuses, seek counter-arguments or don’t trust ourselves due to low self-confidence.
  3. Then comes the learning zone. This is where we acquire knowledge, face challenges, change our mindset and tackle problems
  4. The last stage is the growth zone. Once you reach this zone, you find your purpose, live your dreams, set yourself goals, follow your own opinion/path and you will be even happier. In this zone, you need a growth mindset and usually have an internal locus of control.

Moving out of the comfort zone means courage on one side and more happiness and less fear on the other side.

How are you deciding?

Balance socialisation with individualisation

Today’s quote comes from Simone de Beauvoir: „Happiness consists in living like the whole world and yet being like no one else.“

The quote got me thinking. Does happiness really consist of being like the rest of the world? How can you still be unique then?

In the end, I came to the conclusion that there is a lot of truth in it. It’s easier to live like everyone else and in a way we have to, otherwise we can’t really get anywhere. Social life depends on being similar to the general public. There are certain rules, norms and values that we all have to adhere to so that social coexistence is possible. This can apply to a country as well as to smaller organisations, groups of friends or families.

Without similar values, mindsets and attitudes, actions and behaviours could diverge to such an extent that misunderstandings arise and ultimately work against each other, which would reduce recognition and appreciation. A common basis for behaviour and actions leads to a focus of energy and greater success.

Within these limits, however, it makes sense to live out one’s own individuality in order to feel satisfaction and happiness. This reminds me of Martin Seligman’s PERMA model. Martin Seligman researched why some people feel happier and more satisfied than others. He found that perceived happiness depends on five factors.

These have been summarised in the acronym PERMA and mean

P = Positive emotions

E = Engagement

R = Relationship

M = Meaning (Sense)

A = Accomplishment

Positive emotions arise when you can live out your personality and concentrate on the positive things. You can discover something positive every day, be it a small blossom or a carefree smile on a child’s face. Engaged action is binding and can be done in your own individual way. Good relationships with others arise when you are similar and yet uniquely individual. Discovering meaning in an action can only happen if you derive the meaning yourself and find it in your own individual way. Seeing success as accomplishment, recognising your own contribution to success, is the final aspect of feeling happiness and satisfaction.

Kurz-Krimis, die wie eine Bonbon-Mischung Geschmackssache ist

Wiener Zuckerl ist eine bunte Mischung von Kriminalgeschichten aus dem alten und neuen Wien. Einige der Kriminalfälle sind als Geschichte geschrieben, andere als reine Faktenschilderung. Manchmal ermittelt Inspector Nechyba als Inspektor, sowohl in der Gegenwart als auch in der Vergangenheit. Es ist bei Weilen für mich nicht eindeutig, in welcher geschichtlichen Episode man sich bewegt (oder ich habe es überlesen).

Die Geschichten sind für mich eher Schilderungen, die sachlich neutral beschrieben werden. Einige der Zuckerl sind aus Sicht des Mörders geschildert, wobei die Morde in sehr abgestumpfter Art und Weise geschieht. Meines Erachtens sind gerade solche blutrünstigen Morde, bei denen Gliedmaßen abgeschnitten werden oder Gesichter bis zur Unkenntlichkeit zerstört werden, auch von Seiten der Mörder sehr emotional. Man spricht auch von „Blutrausch“. Daneben werden „mörderische Tipps“ gegeben, wie Blut mit kaltem Wasser herauswaschen, das in einigen Geschichten wiederholt werden.

Im Buch wird versucht das österreichische dialektische Deutsch abzubilden. Einige der Begriffe werden in der Fußnote erläutert, andere vorausgesetzt. Durch den Dialekt fühlte ich mich nach Österreich versetzt, was ich als gelungen empfand.

Das Buch entspricht einer bunten Bonbon-Mischung, die nicht jeden Geschmack treffen mag. Wer gern in kleine Geschichten entführt werden möchte, bei den auch emotionalen Gesichtspunkten mit betrachtet werden, mag von den Zuckerl-Sorten enttäuscht sein. Wer dagegen gern nach Österreich entführt werden möchte und sich der verbrecherischen, zum Teil dunkle Seite der Menschheit stellen möchte, für den ist das Buch genau das Richtige. Ein Buch, das man in öffentlichen Verkehrsmitteln lesen kann, da die Geschichten zum Teil so kurz sind, das man sie zwischen kurzen Strecken gut lesen kann.

Thank you for 10.000 Accesses

My book has now been viewed, 10000 times, many thanks to everyone who has engaged with the content in my book and hopefully enjoyed it. I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to those who have written a review.

I would especially like to thank Thilo Ziegenhagen, who interviewed me about my book and did an excellent job. Furthermore, I would also like to thank Mareike Teichmann, as she was the one who believed in my idea for this book. Claudia Peuser had a very positive influence. She is a supportive and always positive person, I got a lot of motivation to believe in myself from her. She is a loyal reader of my little articles.

But what is a book without readers, so thank you all very much.

Others influence us more than we assume

The quote in the article comes from Rachel Carson: „In nature, nothing exists on its own.“

Everything depends on each other, especially in the area of learning, which includes mental and spiritual growth, it is not only our own will to learn or not, but the entire environment, the atmosphere and the group dynamics play an essential role. Looking at learning and learning content alone is not enough. It also plays a role whether what has been learnt can be applied directly.

The behaviour and actions we exhibit are also not possible on their own, as these also depend on many other factors. According to Lutz von Rosenstiel, behaviour is subject to four factors that cause us to exhibit a certain behaviour or perform certain actions. (Lutz von Rosenstiel, Erika Regnet, Michel E. Domsch: Führung von Mitarbeitern. Handbuch für erfolgreiches Personalmanagement. Schäffer-Poeschel Verlag. Stuttgart, 7., überarbeitete Auflage. 2014.)

The four factors influence each other, and the expected behaviour/action will only occur if they are in a favourable relationship. These are:

  • Personal ability: own abilities and skills
  • Individual will: own motivation, values and attitudes
  • Social permissions: social rules and norms
  • Situational enabling: inhibiting and facilitating factors, such as the environment and the context of the situation

Social permissiveness and situational facilitation are dependent on other factors that are beyond one’s control.

Epictetus‘ circle of influence also fits in with this above quote. (Epictetus. (2007). The art of living: The classical manual on virtue, happiness, and effectiveness (S. Lebell, Trans.). HarperOne.)

It divides three circles that lie on top of each other.

  1. The smallest inner circle symbolises the area over which we have complete control. This is the Circle of Control. For example, our own thoughts, our own decisions
  2. The centre ring is the area that I can influence, i.e. the Circle of Influence, e.g. the people we work with, the environment in which we live/work
  3. The largest, outer area is that which lies outside our own control, i.e. the Circle of Concern e.g. the thoughts of others, the weather

We humans are also dependent on others. We can influence some things, but not others, so the sentence is fully transferable to us humans, as we are also part of nature.

Working permantly on your progress brings you forward

The quote of the week comes from France. A proverb there says: ‘Be patient, all things are difficult before they become easy.’

This seems absolutely logical and understandable. Learning simply takes time. It has to develop gradually and as a learner it is necessary to keep at it and continue even when setbacks occur.

For example learning an instrument takes time. I play the saxophone myself. In the beginning, it was challenging to get a sound out of the instrument. The first notes squeaked or were too loud. It takes many hours of practice before this stops and the notes can be played cleanly and the embouchure is very good and can be played without squeaking. Nevertheless, the question remains for me, are things really getting easy? I can only half agree and would half disagree.

To stick with the instrument, after the first few lessons, hitting the notes with the right fingerings should be easy. But if you don’t stick with it and keep practising, the embouchure gets lost and the fingerings are forgotten. Then it becomes more difficult to play ‘squeak-free’ notes and to use the right fingerings for the notes. It is easy to stick to the subject if you practise what you have learnt every day and constantly.

It also happens that you overestimate yourself and think things are easy because you used to be able to do them. If you used to be a safe and good driver, it can happen that after a long break you underestimate your driving and overestimate your own reactions, which is a dangerous misjudgement based on supposed ability. Skills are learnt and you become good at them, which is why they seem easy. If you don’t stick with it, they can be forgotten. Professional musicians never stop practising.

The saying fits accordingly that you have to be patient to learn something, it takes time and then it becomes easier, but it becomes difficult again when you stop working on it.

The jewel of wisdom lies in you

The weekly quote is from James Allen and reads: ‘Serenity of mind is one of the most beautiful jewels of wisdom.’

When the mind can be serene, you realise that everything that happens only happens in a limited time and will also pass again. It’s like the weather. When it rains, you get wet, when the sun shines, you can get burnt, when there is thunderstorms, you can even get hurt as energy is discharged, when the wind blows, you can be shaken. But what all the weather fronts have in common is that they pass. It’s annoying to get wet, it hurts to get burnt, it’s normal to seek shelter in thunderstorms, and it’s normal to have to fight against a headwind to reach your destination. But when it comes to the weather, we realise that the next weather front will come, and then it can get better or worse. This is serenity in relation to our own situation.

Serenity in relation to another person is, when you accept that everyone reacts differently to an identical situation. People react based on their experiences and interpretations of situations. Situations are initially neutral. They are neither good nor bad, they are simply there. What makes them bad or good is our interpretation and the meaning we give to the situation.

A simple example, in Chinese culture the number four has the meaning of misfortune and death, which is why the number four is not used in public buildings. On the other hand, it also signifies the holistic and the four seasons. The number four shows that one and the same thing can have two meanings. (▷ Was bedeutet die Zahl 4 für die Chinesen? | (entdeckechina.com))

For me, serenity of mind means recognising both sides of a situation and accepting serene that other people may only perceive one side or even recognise something undiscovered for oneself. Being serene also means accepting that someone knows or can do more, or that someone knows and can do less and yet enjoys more prestige than you.

If you look at the world in this relaxed way, you stop comparing yourself and imitating others and start going your own way.

You understand that the fulfilment of life or your destiny in life does not lie in your profession, but in yourself. The greatest jewel in life lies within yourself.

Standing still and reflecting, brings us forward

The quote of the week comes from Friedrich Nietzsche and reads: ‘You have run too fast for your happiness. Now that you are getting tired and walking slowly, it is catching up with you.’

For me, it’s a quote that gives me hope. Ultimately, life is not straightforward, there are downs and ups, as well as stagnation and life in the fast lane.

What’s interesting is that when we ride a rollercoaster, it’s the downhill rides that are exciting and cause the tingling in our stomachs. The uphill rides are more the full excitement and anticipation of the downhill ride. Only when we stand still, we perceive the environment and the marvellous things in the world. If we are travelling at high speed, we can hardly see anything that is happening around us, we even get tunnel vision. Perhaps this is precisely why we fear the downhills in life, as we then develop tunnel vision and focus on our fate. Instead of realising that the downturns, i.e. the times when we were too fast for our happiness, make us rethink our lives and reorganise and realign ourselves and our lives. In this way, we can grow and develop a new self.

Nietzsche also says that although happiness has left us, we often continue to run in the direction we believe to be the lucky one. When we get tired and slow down, we realise that we have lost our way and are running after something that we cannot achieve.

Standing still is important, perhaps even more important than movement. Because growth is only possible at a standstill. Growth and change can only come about through reflection and stillness. Living beings grow little by little, and you only notice the difference from a distance. If you have the feeling that you have run out of luck, this could be a decisive phase in which growth and reorientation can occur. If this happens, happiness will come back to you because you have adapted to the new situation.

Patience is the source of development

The quote of the week is a piece of wisdom from Japan that says: ‘Not losing patience, even when it seems impossible, is patience.’

Patience is such a challenging topic. It sounds simple, but it is not for Western cultures. We have learnt to take life into our own hands, to be self-determined and to act instead of waiting. Patience is the opposite. It simply means letting things happen and waiting to see how things develop.

We need patience in every situation with living beings. One example. My oleander had so many scale insects on its leaves last year. I thought I could only throw them away. But then I gave the oleander another chance. I rinsed the roots completely and planted it in new soil. The oleander then shed almost all its leaves and was just a collection of stems with a few leaves. I gave it the whole summer and didn’t throw it away. In fact, after many weeks, leaves started to form again, and it looked healthier than ever.

We have to be patient, especially when changing our behaviour. We often think we can do things better than others. Often we have already a finalised version in mind and think that our solution is the only true and effective one. Trusting a colleague that their solution is perhaps even better or at least just as good as our own requires patience. Having patience to explain the facts, being patient until the colleague has achieved a result. The way in this case is to be open to what has been created, despite the final image in your head, and to look at the result with curiosity.

For me, patience also means realising that not everything is in your own hands and knowing that it takes time for things and living beings to develop.

‘The grass doesn’t grow faster if you pull on it.’ (African proverb)