„Spend some time with yourself every day.“ — Dalai Lama
This quote resonates deeply with me. Someone once told me that you are the most important person in your own life, a sentiment attributed to Martin Luther. Back in high school, I thought it sounded quite self-absorbed and even egocentric. During my university years, I frequently discussed a similar phrase with my roommates: „Love your neighbor as yourself“ (Mark 12:31). Some focused on „love your neighbor,“ but I believe the emphasis lies on „as yourself.“
To me, the crucial point is in that second part. You can only love another person as much as you have learned to love yourself. After all, where can love come from if you aren’t treating yourself with kindness? Is it possible that we confuse love with simply wanting to please others or feeling we must earn our partner’s affection? Only when we appreciate and accept ourselves as we truly are can we allow others to value us without needing any justification—just by being ourselves.
Achieving this self-acceptance and appreciation requires time for self-discovery. We need to understand how and why we react the way we do. Engaging with ourselves means looking into the darker aspects of our self and daring to reflect, even through discomfort.
A helpful concept for learning self-love is the Appreciation Pyramid by Prof. Dr. Reinhard Haller, which consists of seven levels:
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Awareness: Ask yourself, „How am I feeling right now? What’s happening within me?“
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Mindfulness: Focus on your thoughts. „Where are my thoughts? How can I bring them to the present moment, since only the now can be changed?“
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Respect: Consider how you treat your soul and body. „Do I respect my own boundaries?“
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Recognition: Reflect on your achievements. „What did I accomplish today? What went well?“
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Appreciation: Think about your positive interactions. „How did I behave positively today? Where did I make a difference?“
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Trust: This level is a natural outcome of the previous steps—trusting your abilities and knowing how to respond in different situations.
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Self-love: This is the culmination of all the previous levels.
How can you reach all this states? The answer is simple: spend time with yourself.
