Life goal: Reach your own inner summit

The quote of the last week from my calendar is from Edmund Hillary: „It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.“

This reminded me of many hikes and some climbing routes that I have done in the past and will probably do in the future. I like to hike, even cross-country, as long as it’s allowed. The hikes that I personally found the most enjoyable were the ones where I had to force myself to keep going. Either because my body thought it can’t take any more, even though there were only a few hundred metres to go to reach the destination, the weather conditions were extreme, such as hiking at minus 20 degrees in the Elbe Sandstone Mountains, or hikes where I overcame my fear of heights, such as the climbing trail we took to the summit in Schladming.

Each time I overcame a fear, a limit within myself, and had a wonderful feeling after I had made it. Maybe my knees were still shaking a little, or I had unspeakable sore muscles the next day, but conquering myself brought me feelings of pride, confidence and self-assurance. The belief in the sentence „I can do it if I believe in myself, want to achieve it and have (trained) the skills to do so.“ In the context of others, the following dimension of what is allowed and desired in order to reach the set goal, the mountain top, also belongs.

This corresponds to Lutz von Rosenstiel’s behavioural model. (source: Rosenstiel, L. von 1998). Wertewandel und Kooperation. In E. Spieß (Hrsg.), Formen der Kooperation. Bedingungen und Perspektiven (S. 279-294). Göttingen: Verlag für angewandte Psychologie)

The model states that behaviour is influenced by:

  1. Individual volition, such as motivation and personal values,

  2. Social permissions and requirements, such as the norms and rules of the context/environment in which we find ourselves

  3. Situational facilitation, i.e. the conditions that can be conducive or inhibiting

  4. Personal ability, which includes skills and abilities. The four factors influence each other and together form the behaviour shown.

We conquer ourselves when we consider whether we want to try something different that we haven’t tried before, acquire the missing skills, abilities, and then actually put them into practice.

It doesn’t have to be a mountain. It could be also learning to play a musical instrument and then giving a concert, trying out a new sport in a competition or climbing a mountain summit.

Good is the better perfect

In my diary this week was the following quote from John Steinbeck: „And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.“ This quote got me thinking for a longer time. What is perfect? Who decides whether someone is perfect? As we all construct the world, which means we all interpret situations according to our experiences and memories, everyone would understand something different by perfect.

For example, an apple is perfect for one person if it is flawless and green. For another, an apple is perfect if it has red cheeks and a third finds the apple perfect if it has small spots, as it is then organic and natural.

How can there be, or is there, objective perfection at all? Is it perfection when everything is organised and straightforward? Isn’t chaos, the dynamic, what we need to bring change? Perfection cannot exist, because it is subjective and certainly not dynamic and therefore enable no changes. Being perfect means standing still. As the definition of perfect lies in the eyes oft he observer, the self must adapt and change in such a way that the observer can recognise perfection. This means the price of perfection is to mirrow the expectation of others and not to be yourself.

In my opinion, the solution lies in the second part of the quote: „You can be good.“ Since it is not possible to be perfect without losing yourself, each of us can try to be our own better self. The perfect lies hidden in the imperfect within ourselves. What we can do is to give our best every day by being mindful in the moment and always trying to activate the good that lies within each of us in the here and now. We can always dare and try to be the best and good version of ourselves. This requires a lot of courage, because the authentic self is much more vulnerable than an artificial self that changes in order to meet and fulfil the demands of the other person. So that the other person can recognise the perfect self that they have defined.

We should agree that being good is better and more dynamic than being perfect and is therefore much more promising for our self and our own growth.

What is your opinion?

Buchrezession: Sarah Lark: Himmelsstürmerinnen – Wir greifen nach den Sternen

Sarah Larks Buch „Himmelsstürmerinnen – Wir greifen nach den Sternen“ handelt von vier sehr unterschiedlichen Frauen, die auf verschiedene Art und Weise nach den Sternen greifen und diese auch erreichen. Der Roman beginnt in Schottland im Clan Hardt im 19. Jahrhundert. Drei Cousinen und ein „Ziehkind“ aus der Arbeiterschicht finden während des gemeinsamen Internatsaufenthaltes jeder von Ihnen Ihre eigene Bestimmung, die sie konsequent verfolgen.

Die Sterne, die sie erreichen wollen, sind unterschiedlicher Natur.

Ailis greift tatsächlich nach den realen Sternen. Ailis als einzige Tochter des Clan-Chefs der Hardts wird mit einem Filou zwangsverheiratet und muss das Internat vorzeitig verlassen. Sie wird als schwangere Frau ohne Geld von Ihrem Mann zurückgelassen. Dennoch schafft sie es eine des ersten weiblichen Computers zu werden, die Sternenbilder auswerten. Ihre Geschichte erinnerte mich sehr an „Pygmalion“ oder „My fair lady“, denn auch hier erreicht Ailis ihre Ziele aufgrund eines Gönners und Mäzen. Dabei entdeckt Ailis ihre Homosexualität. Im 19. Jahrhundert war dies ein sehr heikles Thema, das im Buch sehr oberflächlich behandelt wird und dem Thema der damaligen Zeit nicht gerecht wird.

Hailey als Tochter der zweitobersten Clan Familie greift nach den Sternen eines Stars. Sie lernt früh, andere Menschen zu manipulieren. Da sie als Kind von der Mutter alles bekommt, was sie wollte, wird ihr Emily, die Tochter der Chefin der Patisserie, in Obhut gegeben. Emily wird wie eine Marionette genutzt. Hailey lernt auf der Weltreise nach dem Internat ihren eigenen Körper einzusetzen, um so alles zu bekommen, was sie möchte. Steht ihr jemand im Weg, findet sie immer eine Lösung, denjenigen bloßzustellen und somit aus dem Weg zu räumen. Hailey gelingt es den Sternenhimmel der Stars zu erreichen. Allerdings verglüht sie dabei wie eine Sternschnuppe oder Ikarus, der mit seinen Wachsflügeln zu nah an die Sonne heranflog.

Donatella bleibt als einzige länger in Europa, während die anderen sich in Boston niederlassen werden. Sie erreicht den Luftraum mithilfe eines Luftschiffes, das sie selber entworfen hatte, und kommt damit den Sternen sehr nah. Ihre Geschichte erinnert mich an den Film „Yentil“, bei dem eine Frau in Männerkleidung eine Universität besucht und ansehen muss, wie der Mann, den sie liebt, eine andere heiraten wird. Donatella ist durch die Liebe geblendet und ermöglicht ihren Geliebten weiterzukommen, während sie zurückbleibt. Doch dann entscheidet sie sich, ihr Leben selbst in die Hand zu nehmen und folgt den anderen nach Boston.

Emily, die Tochter der Köchin und Hailey „Ziehkind“, macht meines Erachtens die stärkste charakterliche Änderung durch. Leider ist es nicht klar, wie es zu diesem Wandel kommt. Plötzlich geht sie in Bosten ihren eigenen Weg und beginnt sich zu wehren. Sie geht eine „Mischehe“ ein. Was in den USA im 19 Jahrundert ein absolutes Tabu war. Die Folgen ihres Mutes werden angerissen, wie eine versuchte Vergewaltigung oder Ausgrenzung in der Öffentlichkeit. Bedauerlicherweise fehlt mir hier der Tiefgang und auch die Konsequenz im Alltag, es scheint eher keinen wirklichen Einfluss auf Emily oder die Freundinnen zu haben. Ihr Weg die Sterne zu erreichen ist, indem sie Gänseküken aufzieht und ihnen durch die Hilfe eines Heißluftballons das Fliegen beibringt. Die Geschichte mit der Gänseforschung ist für mich ein bisschen eine Mischung zwischen „Nils Holgerson“ und Konrad Lorenz Gänse Forschung.

Der Schreibstil von Sarah Larke ist flüssig und kurzweilig. Ich finde es sehr schade, dass der Hauptteil der Geschichte in den USA spielt und nicht in Schottland oder England weitergeführt wird. Ebenso werden schwierige Themen gerade aus dieser Zeit angeschnitten wie Me Too, LGBTQY+, Interracial Marriage, aber nicht zu Ende gedacht und damit „verniedlicht“. Konsequenzen wie Verweis der Universität oder eine aufgebrachte, bedrohliche Menschenansammlung scheinen an den Protagonistinnen einfach abzuprallen und bleiben ohne Konsequenz. Die Charakterzüge der Protagonistinnen werden konsequent durchgeführt, eine Entwicklung ist für mich nur bei Emily zu erkennen. Wie es zu dieser Entwicklung von einem willenlosen „Ziehkind“ zu einer willensstarken und kämpferischen Frau gekommen ist, bleibt nebulös. Alles in allen ist der Roman kurzweiligen und unterhaltsamen, allerdings fehlen für mich der Tiefgang und nachvollziehbare charakterliche Entwicklungen der Protagonistinnen, sowie eine realistische Einbettung der Handlung in die Zeit des 19. Jahrhunderts.

Accept the now as your reality

My calendar quote for this week was „Be present in everything you do, because the only reality is now.“ (Wisdom from Zen Buddhism)

I really like this quote. The past is unchangeable, the more time passes, the sooner we will re-evaluate and interpret it in a more positive way. But the facts will remain the same. The personal past is a bit paradoxical, as the older it gets, the more beautiful it seems to us.

The future lies ahead of us, it is covered by curtains. We guess what may come, but we can never be sure, if and how it will and could really happen. Maybe it’s similar to a mirage, we’re working towards something, but maybe it disappears before we reach it completely, or it remains. We have to take care of the future, but we will never live in exactly the future we had planned.

What remains is now. That’s why it’s important to take full advantage of the moment, who knows how many „now“ each of us still have and can fully enjoy.

This becomes particularly clear to you when you lie in bed with a high fever and either doze or sleep the whole day and night, in this way you will lose the sense of time. Then it blurs now and you can’t be present at all. Time is then like jelly, it drags, the now becomes sand and glides through your fingers. To be present, the now should be like clay, something with which you can be active and do something good for others and yourself.

Do you use the now like clay or more like sand?

Follow your path and listen to others and reflect

The weekly quote in my diary this week comes from Dante Alighieri: „Where the way is hardest, there go thou; Follow your own path and let people talk.“

It sounds so simple, but in my opinion it harbours many challenges.

The two challenges that I can recognise are

1. I agree to the quote in some esteem, as the other alternative is to get lost of your self. As then, you are simply not thinking about what is right, simply not forming your own opinion and disagree to the „stronger“ may make life easier. Through this behaviour, you can let your own life „ripple along“. It is then comparable to a stream that flows quietly but receives little attention. Walking your own path means giving it some thought, even bumping into things and perhaps feeling how others put their heads together when you walk past, and feeling sceptical glances. On the other hand, your own life is turbulent and more like a white-water river with bends and some unforeseen currents. Others will try to divert the river or slow it down, but the current is too strong.

2. Following your own path without considering the opinions and perhaps feelings of others. No matter how difficult the situation is, it can also make you lonely. It can also lead to self-centredness, as you only pursue yourself and your goal and turn people against you. It can also happen that you pursue your goal so much that you overlook the beauty around you or can no longer recognise the helping hands. Metaphorically speaking, the behaviour could resemble a raging waterfall. It is hardly possible for other larger life to survive in the falling water. The water rushes down indefinitely and has such a strong force that it could shatter boats on impact.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to a happy medium. We are all social beings. Finding your own path and following it, especially in difficult times, staying true to yourself is certainly important in order to be able to look yourself in the mirror day after day and also to be able to develop and grow. But walking this path in a mindful, non-judgemental and open attitude helps us to remain considerate. In this way, we can continue to see other needs without submitting or surrendering to them. In this way, we remain true to our values and will find a solution together with the people around us.

To stay with the image of the river, it is as if rivers flow together and then separate again. Every river has its own riverbed, but occasionally they cross.

I would modify the saying and add:

„Where the way is hardest, there go thou; go your own way meanwhile listen to people, when they talk about you. Reflect on what you have heard and adapt your chosen path, if it makes sense to you, without completely abandoning or giving up on your path.“